Why are any of these possibilities relevant or desirable? You're complicating something that is simple: spend time with people you want to spend time with, don't spend time with people you don't want to spend time with, and tell the truth about it.
The "possibility" this opens up is not taking responsibility for your own choices, and keeping really inane secrets from people who are supposedly your friends.
And more than that, if I spent the time required to avoid offending people that I talked to, I wouldn't have any time left over to think about anything else. I'm not willing to do that, for more reasons than just that I value my time highly.
"I'm busy" is the standard lie because "I don't want to spend time with you" is not socially acceptable. Not because i dislike the other person, but because i'd rather have time for myself.
Well, consider me an extremist then because of if someone thinks they are entitled to even a minute of my time I will kick them out of my life immediately.
I automatically distance myself to people who keep asking to meet up or invite me to stuff where I'm obliged to respond. It has gotten better and easier since I finally stopped making up excuses and just tell them I don't want to.
People in practice choose who they want to be with based on shared values and behaviour. I can’t stand hypocrites, religions fanatics, Trump lovers, or fanatical left/right leaning people. So I choose not to spend time with people like that. However I am not going to insist that they change their behaviour because I get upset listening to them. That would be extremely narcissistic of me.
I don't want to be around people who don't have their lives together.
I learned this the hard way in my early twenties. If someone can't handle basic things like having a bank account, there's a good chance the rest of their life isn't all that great. And even being around someone like this can have severe consequences.
I used to do that. But people are dangerous, they just want to take benefit of others. So in some cases, if you self-distant, you won't see what could affect you, as outsiders are just outsiders.
A balance is needed, self-distant is not enough to deal with people.
From one side you are correct and entitled to be able to do that. From another, and IANAPsychologist, I doubt the psychological effect of trying to emotionally isolate yourself from people you spend most of your time with is positive.
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