I also read that section and thought it unfortunate the author missed that realization as being the likely root cause. External validation seems to be a major driver of his unhappiness. There's nothing wrong with finding solace in structured work but I think if he returns to his old job he's likely to reach burn out unless he can identify this as a root cause.

I made that connection for myself as I've had a strangely similar recent experience to his, albeit without the Amazon warehouse job. I burned out, took multiple months off of work, didn't implement any lasting structures, and became depressed. But I did spend a ton of time in therapy to evaluate my mental health and what drove me to burn out. Practicing self-awareness and emotional awareness has made me more optimistic about finding routines and habits which will bring more fulfillment.

Regarding the interpersonal part, I prefer working with computers than with humans. This leads to the revelation that I should go as low level as possible and stay as far away from business as possible -- business people such as sales manager, marketing VP etc. are the sort that I prefer not to interact with for my whole life -- not because of any emotional bad feeling but just because time is precious so I want to focus on what I love to do. I do understand I cannot completely cut business people from my life but there is a huge middle ground.

Not sure if you feel the same. I'm old enough to not blush when admitting the above publicly, but you probably don't feel the same way or don't want to publicly admit if you do. But if you do then please consider going into the deep labyrinth of system programming.

I thought the same when I was in school (a year ago) and was completely into programming and computers. I took all the hard classes and spent 60-70 hours a week studying and doing projects.

But that came at the expense of a social life. Now, I'm in the workforce doing a cool programming job. But, I have exactly no cool friends and no social life to speak of. I had exactly 3 dates in the last year, all leading to nowhere. The loss of social skills and exposure to diverse people (most of my friends are programmers), seems to be quite narrow-minded way to live.

As the old adage goes "Work-life balance: Live to work or work to live"

I would say that you need to grow as a person at every moment. This includes sleeping, walking in the park without thinking about work, learning themes unrelated to your professional occupation (humanities are great for software engineers), spending time with good people, and of course meditating.

There are almost universal time-wasters though, especially if you spent enough time with them in the past – online and other endless games, most of the movies and TV series, arguing on the Internet, etc.

When you have a subtle feeling that you have experienced it before – it's time to quit.

It comes up a lot on this site that a job is just a job, and thus you shouldn't focus so much on it to find meaning, fulfillment, etc., but I'll consider this when it doesn't take up majority of my daylight hours.

I would argue that tying your self-worth too closely to your career can be even more corrosive. Sometimes doing the bare minimum and saving your mental, emotional, and physical energy for your life outside your work is even more rewarding.

I say this as someone who has spent time at both ends of the spectrum. I have had stretches in which my career is my only focus and times in which I honestly put in maybe half a day's worth of real effort in an average week. Which is better all depends on the specifics of your life, your job, and your personal motivations at the moment. And it is probably worth noting that my career didn't progressive any faster during those workaholic periods compared to my slacker periods. However those slacker periods were clearly better for my life outside of work.

I wonder if the author got into “tech” because it seemed like a lucrative career and, as they say elsewhere, it looks to the outside world like they are doing something useful.

I’ve only been working “in tech” about 40 years and pretty much every day feels exciting to me. That the author feels differently doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them!

It could be burn out or depression.

And your issue doesn’t seem to be anything other than inability to empathize with someone that is legitimately venting how freelancing can be a nearly impossible hurdle for some. Anxiety is not the same experience for all.

This is the problem (not the actual problem, but the one you can control). Your job isn't your life. I used to think/act this way. Then I was eliminated in a rather soulless manner myself. I realized it was an abusive relationship. I had actual PTSD for a couple of years. I no longer define myself by anything that is so transactional. Business relationships are just that. I am happier, I make more money at job, and I've got several things prioritized over work that fulfill me.

Because most of us don't have the luxury to take a break from work.

Honestly, I feel jealousy towards people who can take a break from work. I've been feeling like I'm on a treadmill since my teen years.

I am not ashamed of it, though - jealousy is a human feeling and we can't wish it away, we can only control it and not let it interfere with our lives.

This. I have a friend who kept complaining about his job, but I feel like he actually has a dissatisfaction with another aspect of his life, and just uses his job as a mental scapegoat of what's "wrong" in his life.

Sorry, is that just your commentary, or is there something in that article linking work as identity to loneliness?

I agree that using work, or any other one thing as your sole source of identity isn’t healthy. I don’t see how that’s incompatible with finding meaning and belonging from work, any more than it’d be incompatible with finding meaning and belonging in anything else.

> Get some hobbies, maybe a pet?

I have a pet. I have some hobbies, though generally I find that I and others doing the hobby don’t have enough time to devote to it to really develop deep connection from it. Part of its also maybe just the things I’m interested (or not interested) in. I’d like to have more hobbies though, and generally more extra-work life activities. But that doesn’t replace my desire for work to also be meaningful.

I will +1 this point a million times. I worked on a job I hated (just because there was less work), and pushed about 6 to 8 hours everyday towards my side-project and did that for a good 15 months, only to scrap it 5 months after launching it. The side-project couldn't be monetized and I had to call it off.

In those 15 months, I almost ruined my family time, turned down a lot of vacation trips and other plans, and overworked myself. I wouldn't say it's because of my side-project but it was technically because I was pushing it along with a full-time job. Maybe you could get it to work if you're just out of college and not in any relationships, but to someone who has a family, it seemed to me that it ain't worth it.

What's the problem with just saying that? "I worked on this during my commute to work" or "I did this cool thing on my weekends" or "I tinkered with this in the evenings"

There is a lot more you can do with 1h per day than you think. If you're consistent.

Hell, I am currently making decent money on the side with book sales by working on writing and marketing for about an hour a day. My biggest problem has gone from "Fuck I have no time" to "Fuck, I've run out of ideas to try".

Yup, I had the same feeling when I got myself a 2nd hand copy years ago.

It's mostly a bragging book, where the author suggests trying and replicating his lifestyle.

If anything, one might pull out some quotes about work-life balances, but then again, if that's the game, there are better books about that stuff.

can relate. I think if you have a full time job, then trying to take up more than one hard thing beyond that just drains all your energy.

From my personal experience, I can either workout, or learn piano, but if I try to cram both + work I am miserable.

It's like you get only so many coupons in a day. A _lot_ of these things, as I have learned, depend of one's mental health too. Ideas like working in isolation, or extreme will power are fetishised too much at times. Having good relationships and healthy mind doesn't nearly get as much attention.

This hits hard.

Whenever I think I want to do something, I try to seriously think about whether it’s something I want to do, or something I want to have done. Working on side projects and companies is something I enjoy actually doing, while for a lot of the status-seeking types it’s usually something they want to have done and finished successfully. Similarly I sometimes think I want to write a book, but I really just want to have written a book, which is a very different thing.

That would actually describe most of my life, including the parts where I wasn't being paid to work. However, the reason I didn't have those things is because, outside of work, all I think about is work. I don't want friends who don't want to talk about work, because it is the most important thing in my life. I don't want a romantic partner who doesn't want to work with me because my work is the top priority. I don't want human engagement outside of work because it is time I could put into my work.

The bottom line is this: the best way for me to make the world a better, more enjoyable place for both myself and for others is for me to be successful at my work. Anything that detracts from that becomes stressful and frustrating to deal with, and ultimately feels pointless.

Is this not everyone? Who the fuck brings their emotions to work? I thought the whole trope of "you should love what you do" was just capitalist tripe to get people excited about the work most people were required to do to avoid homelessness (notice—society offers no right to shelter or any other meaningful protection from harm).