Also I don't have a purpose based on parenting. I am just happy to be around them and try to be a good parent. It is nice to share things that I wish I had known from young age. Things that help you deal with life but are never taught.

Also I feel other relationships do not compensate the love we give and get from our children. It is very unique.

All being said I think it is good to be open minded about expectations. Children are unique and the relationship may flourish or take a sour turn depending on circumstances.

On whether one decides to have kids or not, I think there are no wrong decisions here.

Every weekend is exhausting, yes. After work means another shift of work/chore, yes. They drip food all over the floor, the quibble with each other endlessly, they break everything in your house. Yes, yes, and yes. But it is joyful, it is satisfying, it is fulfilling, it is irrational. And I only get so much time together with them. Assuming 8 hours a day before turning 12 yo and maybe 12 hours a week from 12-18yo, that's about 4.5yr worth of time. 4.5 yr is really a tiny blip in our life. Treasure it while we can

You could actually spend time on thinking what you could do with your kids.

Why did you get kids in the first place?

That being said, I wouldn't feel anywhere this fulfilled if I didn't have children, I haven't regretted having them. I would have probably gone up to 4 if society did not make it this hard (economically speaking but many things become annoying too).

There is so much free time without children, no doubt. Doing nothing on the weekend is a pleasure I can only enjoy in small chunks, since I usually must do something for them.

Also, it's very difficult at times, but incredibly rewarding, more so than even the best programming highs I've had, when you can see a new thing one of your kids learned, and realize you were part of that.

Their imagination also keeps my brain a bit more flexible, especially as I try to join in their own crazy fun. And being able to act more like a kid with them also keeps me loose and a little crazy, which helps me to be more positive and, maybe, 'chipper', in my interactions with workmates. At least I think so.

Again, there are very difficult times as a parent. But the highs are so much higher when they come, and I would not trade it for being back in the bachelor mentality and spending more of my live donating overtime to a corporation (though there are some very positive things from that part of my life too, and I have some friends who would probably not thrive as parents!).

Edit: She's at my house more than her mother's because her mother works full time.

I'm guessing that the implication is that a kid makes things too difficult in terms of money or perhaps time.

On money: I just don't buy a lot of stuff.

On time: I'm awake by 4am and asleep by 9 or 10pm every night. I don't watch much TV / play many games (Netflix and bf4 / gta5 binges do happen though). I try to read myself to sleep each night. The vast majority of my free time is spent working on my games (of which I have yet to finish one, though I've only been going hard at the game development as of late... the last couple of years were spent more on learning and less on producing).

- A work relationship that supports your personal growth and family. I am extremely lucky to have a job that actively encourages me to take time to learn and skill up while on the clock and also engages me in planning my long term career growth with them. They also really care about my family and make sure I have the ability to take care of them with things like good insurance and the ability to leave with a short notice for things like sick kids or other personal emergencies. I know not everyone has that opportunity, but if you do, think twice before skipping over it.

- A solid support network. I wouldn't be able to function without my wife's and my parents. Got one sick kid but the other still needs to go to school? My parents come in clutch every time. Again, we're very fortunate to have them but we've taken it for granted in the past when looking to move cities and being near a strong support network is always a positive with kids.

- Friends/Hobbies. I haven't quite figured out a good balance with this one myself. For a long time I never made time to hang out with friends or just do something I liked because I felt like I couldn't afford that luxury. If I get home by 5, that only gives me a couple of hours with my boys before bedtime. The time after that I want to spend with my wife. If I go out with friends, I'm missing that small window of time to be with them. But as I mentioned earlier, that's not totally healthy because if you keep that up too long then when the time comes to let loose, it happens in a big way. For now, there's a small bar/restaurant between work and home that I've taken to knock off an hour early every few weeks and spend a couple hours with friends there. It's on the way home, so the commute doesn't cut in to how much time I get to spend, and I still make it home only a little later than normal. My next step is probably to start going in to work earlier so I have a little more free time in the evenings for something I miss dearly: reading for pleasure.

I envy those who manage to find a good balance and routine, but it's just a work in progress for us all. If/when you become a parent, you'll have to find what works best for you.

I don't know. It's like a mental block. I know it involved a lot more reading for fun and videogames, but that's a vague piece of knowledge that lacks detailed memories. I have a lot more fun now though, with the kids. I laugh a lot more.

I do all the things listed above. I also have kids. They aren't incompatible.

The biggest lesson I learnt when we had our first kid was that I really wasn't as efficient at spending my time and money as I'd thought. Once the time constraints hit I became a lot more intentional about how I invested both, and the quality of my personal achievements has gone up as a result.

Don't have kids until/unless you're ready, but don't assume they're going to destroy your personal life either. There's lots of room for personal goals and growth even with kids. You still have a lot of control over your own life. After the first year of chaos anyway :)

- Family time is enjoyable, certainly helps cut down social media addiction and replace it with something meaningful (unless your perspective is that you'll die anyway so nothign is meaningful, but then you have other issues).

- Having kids forces me to push myself to be better, control my emotions, be a role model that inspires my kids. Without kids, I would find it harder to have such a clear drive to consistently be the best of myself every day.

- Kids are not independent. A priority that tops everything else shifts your perspective from you being at the center of your world to something else. That something else is fragile, needs care. That helps bring focus, consistency and growth to everyday life.

- Helping someone discover new things brings me joy. I can do that almost every week with my kids and I love it.

Does that make it a good choice in terms of cost/benefits? Depends who you are and how you see your life I guess?

Edit: reading another comment - the list about is indeed a descriptions of the symptoms of what it takes to bring joy and happiness to a new counsciousness in this world. I like the perspective of that other comment and wanted to highlight it too.

I spent way too much time looking at what I was losing, rather than on what I was gaining. It's a waste, and it makes you miserable. Don't do that.

There should be a way to borrow someone else's kids for 6 months or so, force yourself to carve the waste out of your life... and then wait another decade before having your own kids.

Sure, things in my life peeled away after having children, but I also gained a tremendous amount as well.

It’s all perspective. Enjoy the ride, don’t regret your children.

If you have kids, you're committing to an experience that is more full of meaning and joy than anything else you can do.

But a huge fraction of the time is just work or suck-- far more than you get to revel in that meaning and joy. And you give up a lot of other options. And there's no escape from the struggle.

(I'm a father of 3 boys; they're awesome; I don't regret my choice. Though, it would be 10x better if I could have the best of both worlds and take a true break for a week or two every now and then ;)

There’s always more work (it honestly never ends if your skills are valuable). But time with your kids is very precious - and that becomes very clear in retrospect.

I’ve noticed my relationship with my three year old has become closer as I’ve put more time and effort in engaging with her. There is really no replacement for quality time with your kids - no amount of toys or treats makes up for it.

This is just not true - at least if you refuse to become an extreme helicopter parent.

I have four kids. I had a ~10 year break where I very rarely made it to parties and music festivals, and my life was mostly work and kids. I had a great time and have never regretted my decision to have kids, but there were some things I missed.

Now we start doing these things again, sometimes with the kids, sometimes because the kids are big enough to be alone or because we can afford a babysitter.

Here is one egoistic argument for having kids: the world is going to become very confusing in a decade or two. There will come the time where you can't keep up anymore. Then you will be happy to have somebody that loves you unconditionally that can make decisions for you. I trust my kids way more to take care of me when I am old and confused than any institution or person motivated by money.