When people are assholes on the road I just want them to get away from me and leave me alone.

Purely anecdotal, but this is happening far too often: it's a bad weather day, waiting under the 5m long city tram station's getting protected from the rain, then someone comes and sit right next to me, lightning it's damn cigarette like there was absolutely no problem.

This is the kind of behavior that makes you actually forget that "these folks are people and still deserve to be treated with a modicum of decendy", because they clearly don't give a shit about others themselves.

You should just stop bothering because it’s really not your place or any of your business.

I say this as someone who took care of my mother during cancer treatments. I drove her to her clinics/hospitals and she had a difficult time walking from the parking lot to the door, so we were able to get a handicap parking thing issued to hang on the rear view mirror. It helped her tremendously that I could park the car basically right at the door and we could both go in together. I never abused the label and removed it when I wasn’t driving her around, but every time she was in the car with me and we went somewhere I hung it up. There were times when she/I forgot something in the car and I had to go out to go get it. There were times when people like you would have seen me lightly jogging to the car to get something and running back in. You would have asked me if I needed help and apparently I “should feel like an asshole.” You would have asked me if I needed help and if I didn’t ignore you you would have wasted my time trying to bring in papers or my mom’s purse or something. And if I did ignore you because I was in a hurry you might have tweeted about me taking up a handicap parking, when you know absolutely nothing about the situation.

When she was recovering and was able to drive herself, she took the decal and used the handicap parking as well. She was able to walk around normally and you wouldn’t have thought she was handicapped in anyway, but she still had respiratory issues and was physically weak that walking far was difficult. You would have been one of those people pointing out to her that she was an asshole.

... people just don't give a shit. They are so self absorbed that they only care about getting where they need to go and everyone and everything else can piss off.

You literally don't care about people unless you personally know them?

Or if you do care about them, what's the reason you don't care about this person, nor any the effects of this situation on other people you don't know?

Its frequently one of the few times during the day where I do not have to interact with someone, especially when traveling for work. Sometimes I just want 10 minutes to myself to think.

Call their bluff. Being that unempathetic while demanding empathy from others is a lot worse than just neglecting kindness altogether.

Of course. He could also be vigilantly looking for 'racists'. I really don't know. I'm using the theory of mind to construct a possible world view. My data set is Twitter/HN/reddit, mainly.

I would love to treat everyone like a person, but if I do I leave myself vulnerable to accusations. Since anything I do can be perverted into a racist/sexist narrative.

I'm all for empathy and kindness. Not at my own expense, though. It's a reaction to a hostile environment.

> My (admittedly somewhat harsh) advice is to close your IDE and go interact - in person - with other humans.

I've done enough of that. I want to concentrate on ideas/code/mathematics/philosophy. The abstract.

My experience when doing the same isn't that people don't care. It's that they don't really believe it but are too polite to say so to my face.

I'm sure someone cares, but the majority of such folks? Nope.

I was once watching a crappy move, but it had one gem in it. The protagonist had lost the use of his leg in the Civil war, and he sought compensation for it, and received a lot easier than expected. Throughout the movie, he keeps wondering why it was so easy to get the money - he expected a fight. Towards the end, the revelation hit. They didn't pay him because they cared about him. They did it because they wanted to feel better about themselves. They did it so that they could walk away feeling tall.

And so it is with most advice: They do it because it makes them feel like they've done a good deed, and who knows - someone may even benefit from it? If they didn't, then no harm done.

That last sentence is quite wrong, though.

After hearing this, I got fairly good at figuring out who is trying to help vs who is trying to walk away tall. A little extra engagement with the person can usually reveal this.

I've learned from enough experience - both in giving and in receiving advice - that when you try to help someone, you should take on the burden on yourself. It becomes your responsibility to understand the pain points of the other person, know what he's tried, etc. This is exactly what random advice typically isn't. It's well known that saying "I had a similar problem" and talking about it is not empathizing[1]

One of the worst jobs I had involved a very knowledgeable person who would try to give advice whenever I was stuck. His advice often didn't work because he didn't understand the problem well, and made assumptions, etc. Every time he tried to help it was a huge time sink - to the point that I would mention my problems only when he wasn't around. Not exactly analogous to this situation, except to point out that this person never really understood the burden of helping someone. When you help someone, work with the person till the problem is resolved (or till you can't help). He failed as a teammate because of this.

(For those who recognize the movie - yes, I am taking liberties).

[1] Seriously - this is standard advice you'll find everywhere: When someone tells you their problems, do not respond with how similar your problems were - took me years to understand why.

What makes you think they do? You think you could use something, that doesn't mean a stranger owes it to you.

If you change seats to get away from someone on a bus, do you tell them why? If not, how would you feel if they followed you and said you embarassed them and you owe them an explanation?

That attitude seems the same one that judges service workers. IME, and based on what I know of humanity, people act badly because they feel vulnerable; they are scared or anxious. It's still bad behavior, but they aren't 'shit people'.

If bad behavior damns us, then we all qualify. The mistake is judging others, and lacking empathy and humility.

> I’ve been in extremely stressful situations in my life involving lots of travel and I’ve yet to “take it out” on a third party.

We all act badly sometimes; if you really think you don't, you are not seeing it. It's not ok in the situation, but it's ok in terms of our humanity. Apologize and work to do better.

Yes, regardless of what I'm working on, be it construction/maintenance on my house, basic electrical or plumbing work, driving my car, handling/transporting a firearm, and any other number of cases I have to stop and listen to "random people" i.e. cops, regulators, politicians, FAA, and whoever else regardless of how I feel about them because they are, unfortunately or not, the authority

In many cultures it is disrespectful to make such comments, because they convey a thinly veiled demand to get the thing, otherwise the other person loses face for not being generous.

Yesterday I had a lady cross the road to avoid being near me; immediately returned to my side once past. Which is more then the usual head down and never say a word to me.

Few days ago I was out for groceries, I saw a kid inside the basket(safety concern stickers be damned), all I did was smile. Mother urgently rushed out of the aisle. When I got to the next aisle, she looked me right in the eyes, turned around and went to the next aisle. I finished up shopping, at the end I go through the clothes area, I was looking at panties. Usually nobody over there, plus self-checkout. But this lady comes by, sees me and told me im disgusting.

About a week ago, I was walking the bike path near my house. The path is wide enough for 3-4 bikes wide. I was right most edge, lady didnt need to but she decided to walk onto the grass to avoid me. It was much muddier then she expected, nearly slipped and fell. Mud all over her shoes. She looked at me like I did it to her.

Been a busy month, usually only get about 1 of these stories a month.

>Because if everyone you ever met liked you, that might indicate that you are hiding what you really think, have a lack of boundaries, or never stand up for yourself.

I kind of have the opposite problem, everyone tends to hate me.

Last month's, I was out shopping, blocking my side of the aisle and lady wanted something from where i was blocking with my cart. Im fast, so I noticed and was about to leave and she lifts her pinky finger up and says "tiny dick man needs to feel strong" which was out of place, I hadnt done anything.

I replied, "I'm trans, I don't have a dick."

She replied, "You're not a real man."

So now you understand why I tend to get hated on.

I migrated to different country from my birth country as well. You know what, nobody gave a shot about my problems in my home country and nobody does in my adopted country.

I am very independent, but few times when I leaned on someone they totally failed me (not intentionally), so I don't even expect anything from anyone.

It's libersting to know exactly what I am capable of because there's no one else in the equation.

Are you sure they don't?

And how do you know?

You can only know if you do it.

That's the point.

> but being polite, kind and open never guarantees people won't yell at you at first contact.

Because that's not enough.

You have to be understanding too and know when you are wrong too and when other people are right.

Their behaviour is a completely different matter, until it is not borderline criminal, it should be considered as an expression of their feelings.

People have them, not all of us are soulless robots like me.

My doctor shouting to my face to take the f*king medicine, is probably trying to help me.

Me doctor telling me kind words, knowing very well my lazy ass, is probably not giving a flying f*ck about me.

This matches my experience as well (I suspect it might not in less urban areas, though). It's quite frustrating.

I also resent the fact that the people who are accosting me like this usually have the expectation that I owe them my attention. I'm pretty good at brushing them off/ignoring them, and I've seen quite a few get genuinely offended that I'm evading their pitch. Which is offensive to me in turn: they're trying to take advantage of my natural inclination to be social/respond to another human, and they're mad because I didn't fall for it? It's a parasitic situation. Sadly, I also agree with you that there's not really any way to fix it. The well is just poisoned...

I feel it's more like:

"I want to care about you, honestly - but I just saw the price tag and now I don't want to seem like I'm being committal while making awkward conversation and trying to find a way out of here, oh, would you look at the time!"

Groupthink-led virtue-signaling is real, but I feel lots of people are being earnest and well-meaning when they talk big, but are ignorant-of the costs of walking-the-walk.