This is something that doesn't seem real in your 20s, but a realization in your early 30s.
Edit: There is an important balance to keep the enthusiasm of your 20s for a long time, and keeping a little wisdom of recognizing those situations that want to take advantage of a few years of your life in your 30s and being a little more conscious about it.
In hindsight your early 20s are a lot more fungible than it seems at the start. 20-25 you can really do a lot of the same things. Heck, even your 30s you can do a lot more than you think you can when you're looking forward from 20.
Also keep in mind that everyone your age is in the same boat this year.
As someone at the very other end of the 20s spectrum:
1. My own responsibility towards myself and my life weighs a lot more heavily on me at 29 than it did at 22. At 22 I had faith that it would work out, somehow. I think that's a feeling to be taken advantage of while you still have it.
2. Conversely, I also realize now that I won't be successful at something that I don't like, and that doing something I like is worth more than money. Obviously this only works to a certain extent, I still need to live. But it seems more and more that as long as you are pursuing you believe in and enjoy, you aren't poor in spirit.
My point being: maybe don't worry so much for the feasibility of your dreams at this moment in your life.
I can see both sides on this one, you should certainly be self-aware enough that you periodically reflect deeply; I think the danger is that far too many guys in their 20s get into a rut, paralysed into inaction through over-analysis; your 20s and 30s are the time you should be vigorous, active, taking risks, exploring, having experiences, and doing so will result in more self-knowledge than sitting in your room contemplating the universe. In general, it's better to err on the side of action - when in doubt, build something.
I think early 20s are a very powerful time for many people because naïveté can be quite convincing, and they have a lot of time to learn without unreasonable expectation.
People will start looking more at your record than your potential, which is a shift from optimism to criticism in 99.9% of cases. In my case, I had what felt like a meteoric rise in the early part of my career, but technology changed, and my interests changed, and now all of that is irrelevant. So all that success you feel like you missed out on so far, it’s probably not much different either way, but you can’t replay it the same way. Maybe you’re talking about money, and lots of things can reset that too.
That big tech co might take you, but increasingly for niche jobs not on the fast track. You can probably do a startup, but you might have to grind on your own for years while some kid gets his tweet funded. When you were young it seemed like the other way around because you only saw the top 0.01% of timelines ahead of you, and now it’s the same way looking back.
Sound advice is the same, but you’ll keep learning that you should have followed it, and there was still time then, but now it’s too late, at least until now becomes then and there was still time. Maybe it sounds something like this: focus on the routine physical act of doing something you respect and enjoy enough to ignore the outcome, and just keep doing it. Or maybe just save your money. Actually don’t ask me; I don’t even know why I’m writing this.
Okay, I do know why: because every other response is going to be some variant of suggestion to pretend that age doesn’t matter, and that your anxiety is totally unfounded. No. Things change. Opportunity is limited. Some doors are closing on you, and some you’ll learn were never open, but it sure feels good to think it’s all possible, and that’s slipping away. I regard dismissal of someone’s feelings as a nasty thing to do to someone, even if you’re just trying to help them, and even if you are rationally correcting them. You’re not wrong, but you’ll adapt and whether by rationality or necessity, correct your values to align with reality as it evolves.
Try to keep the ambition and drive that you had when you were younger. I'm young myself, so I haven't had to face this, but I often see driven and motivated people become complacent once they hit that 30 mark.
The people you think you want to hang around with in your 20s can seem really ridiculous when you're in your 40s and 50s, and I say that as someone who ran with some people in my 20s who most here would recognize immediately. Those who achieved these things received almost no parental assistance when we were in our 20s. Many of those who were subsidized have gone on to spectacularly mediocre careers.
With regard to the job search, work on reducing stress. That carefree attitude that helps in getting job offers is directly (and sometimes geometrically) proportional to your ability to recognize all of the good things you have at any given moment. Sometimes that includes changing (not lowering) expectations.
I say all of this with the caveat that 1) fame and fortune are overrated as human goods, especially by young people; and 2) I am neither famous nor wealthy, but I am exceedingly happy with my life compared to my 20s. I'm now in my 50s and generally successful in curbing my urge to bail out my 28-year-old daughter out of the messes she sometimes makes.
Edit: But I have been there a couple of times where it was help her or she ends up on the streets.
You should enjoy life, love, learn, teach, travel, and have fun from zero to death. The 20s are no different. I for one had an absolute blast in my 20s, did well financially, and didn't take myself "seriously." Different strokes for different folks. People should just plain think for themselves and NOT take themselves too seriously, IMHO :)
First off, whatever way you think you have in your 20s is wrong and misguided.
You need small wins to gain confindence.
It's almost September, think of a reasonable goal you can accomplish by the end of the year. Start to think of a harder goal your can accomplish by the end of 2024. If it's money, then finding religion about personal finances in your 20's will set you up better than most in your later years.
No general advice, but when you're in your early 20's, the late 20's and early 30's seem like an eternity away, but they're really not.
When you're in your late 30's, you'll gasp at the thought of how much youth and potential you had in your late 20's. And if you let the idea that your late 20's is too old to start building a career stop you from making a change, you'll be kicking yourself a few years later and for the rest of your life.
Just don't hate yourself for it. I was the opposite way: I didn't realize how ridiculous I was early in my 20's until I hit my 30's, and the fact that you already know it does put you ahead of the game (i.e. your peers).
Keep going cautiously, but always keep going. You have a great attitude.
This is very relatable. Most of my 20s was spent like this – why haven't I reached senior/staff eng yet? Why have I not started a company yet? Why don't I own a house yet? After all, so-and-so could do it when they were my age.
As I entered my 30s, I managed to give up on the fake urgency while still retaining my overall drive. I can say that things are a lot better now (both in terms of success and mental health) than the days I spent hating myself for being an underachiever.
If you do it in your thirties then the moments of self reflection and wealth of unfamiliar experiences will color the way you think for the rest of your life and career.
I'm not sure I agree with that. And I say that as someone in my late 30s.
Granted life is pretty good now if you're a recent graduate of a good school. You almost have your pick of jobs. But when was that not the case?
It's true that you tend to have less commitments in your 20s. You should take advantage of that. Most people in their 20s still spend their money on crap however (cars, ski trips, eating/drinking out, etc). While that's all fine they'll wake up after 10 years and find they have nothing.
What tends to happen as you reach your 30s is you have increasingly financial commitments. You might have bought or want to buy a house. You may well be married. You might have children. All of these take your time as well as make you more risk-averse both from a stability point of view as well as having a higher minimum salary that you can pay your bills on.
But if there's one thing I've learned over the years is that most of these expenses are, well, crap. Raising children is expensive but it's also way more expensie than it needs to be, in similar ways to being single in your 20s is way more expensive than it needs to be.
That doesn't mean you have to stay at home, never buy anything and never do anything. It just means being smart about how you spend and allocate what money you do make.
I could lose my job tomorrow and not need to work for another 12 months, possibly two years if I push it. That's a deliberate choice I've made.
It also means that if I want to bootstrap a startup I can.
In my experience, most people in their 40s either:
- don't have an interest in something so risky;
- have let themselves and their knowledge get out of date;
- have priorities that preclude anything but a 9-5 job; and/or
- don't have the financial freedom to take risks.
While you may not have the energy you did 20 years ago, experience counts for a lot. We're lucky in that we work in an industry where you only need:
- working hands;
- working vision (and a very low level of vision too as I can personally attest to); and
- a working mind.
I see no reason why you can't work as a programmer until you go senile, go (literally) blind, are quadriplegic or die.
People who can code and can get shit done are (and will probably be for the foreseeable future) extremely valuable... regardless of age (IMHO). I see so many people who work in this business who actually can't code, it's astonishing.
Some might write you off if you're not a twenty-something MIT or Stanford graduate. But if you keep up to date and are willing to take risks, I see no barriers to a continued productive existence other than those you create.
Edit: There is an important balance to keep the enthusiasm of your 20s for a long time, and keeping a little wisdom of recognizing those situations that want to take advantage of a few years of your life in your 30s and being a little more conscious about it.
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