Kids were bullied generations ago, yet it is only recently that bullying and suicide became a national crisis. What changed? Are bullies more aggressive than they were back then, or are more kids deciding that suicide is the answer, or were suicides related to bullying not reported?

One, bullying is not a new occurrence. Most of us grew up to be fine and arguably stronger (and there was one year I probably got punched or my head slammed in a locker 4 out of the 5 days in the week). So what’s changed today that this generation of children can’t seem to grow past it? It’s become a devastating ordeal with kids committing suicide and whatnot; thoughts that NEVER went through my head growing up. Shit sucked, but I knew it wasn’t permanent.

Two, are we coddling our children so much in the new era of child rearing technics that we’ve stripped them of the notion to grow and learn from the hurtful things in life? Are we teaching them to drop responsibility for the outcome of our environment in a pity me plea? I only ask because when things would happen to me, the first thing my mother would ask is “Well, did you do anything to provoke him?” and even if I hadn’t it forced the notion through my head that I ultimately control my environment by my behavior. Shit happens and I get that, but my mother didn’t go to the principal’s office, talk to the other kid’s parents or call the police. I simply learned to cope and, well, manipulate. Bluff toughness when necessary; kill with kindness when that was necessary. You learn to change your environment by changing your own behavior and in effect provoking others to change theirs. Probably the most valuable lesson I’ve ever learned.

One could highlight that the internet has changed the face of bullying. Whereas my generation (y) and the ones preceding me had to grow through physical bullying abuse, and today bullying has changed to public humiliation happening in front of thousands of people thanks to the internet. I could see that being a major factor in the change of effect.

I don’t believe simply removing bullying from adolescent life is the answer. I think it’s an easy one to exploit, but I really don’t think it’s the only answer we’re looking for. Bullies are a part of life and stripping our kids of the experience is only going to leave them helpless as adults. I agree fully that things need to change, but I also have a point of view that most of the time these terrible things that happen to us make us stronger.

It’s a thought provoking subject really and I curious to see some responses.

https://www.tctimes.com/news/why-bullying-has-become-so-prev...

I know that I personally still suffer the effects of bullying some 40 to 50 years later - for example, I tend to withdraw from any conflict/confrontation in the work setting misinterpreting even constructive conflict/criticism as being directed at me personally. When I was a kid playing with other kids I tended to withdraw and disappear even in situations where there was no bullying because I came to expect it would happen. And I see that I withdraw similarly in the workplace. In that sense the bullying from many years ago has negatively impacted my career and mental health (anxiety, panic attacks and a bit of paranoia as I'm always expecting the worst from other people).

Is it true? It's my outsider's perception that there is some truth to it. It's my perception as the husband of a schoolteacher that it is. But my eyes cannot gaze upon all the schools in the country. However, the combination of the anecdotal evidence of my wife's school combined with the national media suggests to me that I am not far off. (Even though I recognize the media's fondness of latching onto a story that is guaranteed to draw attention)

Nowhere did I state that this trend has caused bullying. I am only saying that it has affected bullying.

I am also not necessarily putting a timeline on when things changed. I simply don't have the data for that. But I am looking at schools as they look in 2010 and I am seeing a lot of examples/stories of bullies operating with impunity. And it seems at least to be much more so than in my school days.

The one thing I can state as an absolute fact is that bullying is an extremely hot topic among teachers and school boards. I have to think that there is more than just bully status quo behind that.

In secondary school, there were two kids who kept picking on me for years, but I eventually learned to ignore then and feel sorry for them. When I was somewhere between 15 and 18, a girl who had been in my class in primary school and apparently knew me as a potential bullying target called me a crybaby out of nowhere, and I was mostly baffled that someone would be so incapable of growing up. I'd grown pretty much immune by that time.

But what I often wonder is whether the stereotypical American TV-show bullying is something that really exists: wedgies, stuffing people in lockers, that sort of thing. On American TV, it seems to be the universally accepted standard form of bullying, but it sounds a bit too outlandish to me to be based on anything real.

Maybe I don't remember how bad it was, but I find myself thinking of the kids who were doing the bullying. The one guy became an alcoholic in High School because his dad needed someone to drink with during the day. School wasn't good, but when I got home I was mostly in the clear. It's hard to imagine how a child who felt constant fear and violence at home could do anything but impose those things on others.

I hope that I can instill in my children both the skills to resist bullying for themselves, but also the sense of justice to fight it when it's done to others.

just being exposed to bullying does not work. at least it didn't work for me. while i learned to stand up for others, i never learned to stand up for myself. i found only two options: either i am able to turn the bully around by becoming friends with them or i completely remove myself from the situation. and that can mean quitting a job and moving to a different city. (it never was as bad for me, so maybe i am exaggerating)

btw i feel that fighting back is decidedly not the right response to bullies. GP is lucky that he managed to stop after graduation, because i don't believe that many others are able to do that.

that said, i don't actually have any experience with this level of bullying. what i experienced was more light teasing, being made fun of, which of course i didn't like, but also didn't know how to respond to.

i do remember teachers noticing and initiating discussions with me and the kids involved. i don't remember if that helped, only that in one case i had the opportunity to respond to the teasing in kind, so i felt that i got even, and said as such when the teachers brought up that situation.

thinking about this now makes me realize that the problem was that these were not my friends. i didn't have any friends in school, and so the issue for me was that i didn't have any support that would have helped me deal with the teasing. i am only guessing that the discussions with the teachers helped me realize that this other kid wasn't stubbornly mean, but more playful, which probably was why i was able to respond in kind later. (i am just making this up now, i have no idea what i was thinking at the time)

so to the question, how to actually learn how to deal with bullies, i think, the answer is to learn how to make friends. not only friends that help you against bullies, but even try to make friends with the bullies themselves.

now in school that needs help from adults who enable the kids to interact with each other in a friendly manner, by providing them with experiences where they can learn to get to know each other.

I think the kindest of us probably suffered through bullying or forever being the outsider, and maybe these people experience more empathy for others as they know first hand how awful it feels to be on the receiving end.

But the majority don't go through this. Because of this, I don't believe we will ever get rid of this behaviour. We may minimise it a bit, but really we are trying to change embedded behaviour.

I certainly can't pass on my experience of how to deal with cyber bullies, I don't have any(oh, but flamewars I understand), and I suspect that the entire newest generation is going to have to invent those protocols themselves. That's horribly unfortunate. When children kill themselves because of it, that's horrifying.

Bullies usually have emotional problems or brain chemistry issues. A high percentage of bullies have fathers that are abusive to their mothers and are bullies themselves (vicious cycle). It is difficult to tell if this is merely learned or genetic, but I am pretty sure that it has nothing to do with playing bull rush.

What is likely having an effect on the kids in this school's situation is positive peer pressure. The administration puts the kids in a position of judging other peers. This has been used for at least 20 years and was effective in a high school I once attended. It was no utopia, but I sure didn't observe much bullying going on.