I much prefer taking the blame, recognize what I did wrong, and be able to do something about it (even if it's hard, or even if I sometimes make the same mistake more than once) than throwing my arms up in the air thinking it's someone else's fault and out of my control.
I think it's easy to blame other people for problems, but the path to self-improvement is internalization.
Someone on your team missed a deadline which fubarr'd your project? Your fault for not checking in with them to make sure they delivering what you wanted.
Someone forget to put the trash out. Your fault for trusting them.
This is a bit dishonest, but empowering for the following reason: You cannot control other people. If you internalize the failure as your own, you can often make more strides to prevent the failure next time than by simply assigning blame.
Of course this theory must be tempered by the old Steven Winterburn quote: "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
This reminds me of the idea that leaders share the credit when things go right & take the blame when things go wrong. I've personally found it to be a far more productive way to live. Instead of looking to blame others, I try to look at myself and ask what I could have done better. It focuses my attention on the one person I have the greatest power to change... me.
People would rather blame someone else for something they rationalize the someone else has done than blame themselves for the things they just did. We're broken in that regard, and it's time to fix it.
So what you’re saying is: if someone doesn’t prevent you from doing something, they should shoulder more of the blame than you do for actually doing the thing?
“To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.” — Hubert H. Humphrey
We like to blame others for our problems — that way it’s not our fault.
What’s more, in the hope of diminishing responsibility, and therefore pressure to act, many people go to extraordinary lengths to rationalize why it’s not their problem.
This self-reinforcing behaviour is extremely problematic, especially when blame-oriented people get together.
This confirms their sense of exemption, which often spirals out of control in the form of gossip, scaremongering, and social media rants.
The fact is, however, it takes much less energy to take responsibility yourself.
Next time you feel like blaming someone else — instead of rationalizing a way out, think about how you could solve the problem yourself.
For some reason it sometimes seems as if people would rather everybody is responsible for everybody else's bad decisions but never their own. It's crazy, I know.
On the other hand, there are times when blaming people for their misfortune is appropriate, and serves a social purpose. The hard part is telling when it is appropriate. It does seem pretty clear though that we tend to both give ourselves too much credit for our successes, and too much blame for our failures, overall.
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