This applies to males in general in the bay area. Not just the white ones. I got fed up with the loneliness and left the country entirely. Had a girlfriend a month later after picking from several whom were interested.
I came to the US for my undergrad and I am from Bangladesh. During my undergrad I realized that most of my good friends were from India, Sri Lanka, Vietnam, China, Africa and very few were actually Americans (Caucasians). I was also more attracted to white women and I wanted to date them; but I was often just ignored by them or looked down upon. It was awful, I continued to study hard, I got a good job in a reputed firm in Silicon Valley and moved to the bay area. Here I was able to move away from the corrupt background where I grew up and I found a lot more opportunities in the valley to network with top VCs and top engineers. Now I am on my way to starting my own company with my friends and past colleagues and I feel I can contribute a lot to the world. I am 31 and I still do not have a girl friend as I am still stereotyped by women and being brown with an accent does not help :P
Now I have the opportunity to achieve something in my life and share my experiences with the world with the hope that next generation is more kind to people from poor countries. It definitely helps to have girlfriend for emotional and physical needs. But racism is still present and affects dating also it is harder for men than it is for women. Unfortunately, being a brown male with an accent is just hard. You should continue to work hard and make a good career for yourself, do things that please you and make you happy. Happiness is contagious. If you are truly happy and passionate about what you are doing, its very likely you will be successful and attract women, money and much better personal life.
This is one of my favorite songs, listen to it when you are down:
Whereas most Asian men in Western countries get rejected by Caucasian females for not being Caucasian. (Source: OkCupid studies, anecdotes, Quora, etc.)
I am an Indian man with distasteful dating experience. I am 31, above average by American means and very much in shape. I weigh 150 lbs having height of 5'7".
I think premature baldness killed it for me in my 20s. I had low confidence for a long time. I have been shaving my head for 2 yrs now. But, 9 out 10 women here in SF/Seattle/Portland prefer either white or black men.
I haven't been on a date for 2 yrs now. I think TINDER and alike hookup apps pretty much killed it for men like me. Women used to depend on men for resources. We have reverse situation now with women outnumering men in terms of employment rate and graduation rate.
What's worst, Indian women prefer white men if they are in US and master's degree and 100k or more salary is must for Indian/Asian women. I have first hand experience of Indian/Asian women telling me that if I don't have masters then don't bother talking to us.
I deleted tinder profile 3 months back. Nowadays, I spend time just by myself. I felt bad for a long time, but then I realized nobody cares. Like it or not, women care about looks, status and resources most. Miss 2 out 3 and you are done.
I used to blame myself but now I don't. I know I am a competent man, i contribute to the society in my capacity and this is only life I have. I now spend Fridays and Saturdays being very relaxed and doing nothing virtually.
> It's depressing to see all the match questions on OKCupid that say "Do you strongly want your mate to be of the same race as you: Yes", but that's the way it goes.
Yep, you should never rely on online dating as an Asian guy in the West. It's a complete waste of time.
> I've also found that there are many white women who say they're not interested in Asian guys, but when the right guy comes along, they suddenly change their mind.
The key is to meet women in real life and deemphasize your race as much as possible. Of course, you will still have to be that much better than a white guy in other categories (be personable/funny, be in shape, be wealthy, dress nicely) to make up for your race, but meeting women face-to-face makes it much more difficult for them to just outright dismiss you.
This is because that latent racism feels much more acceptable to women when they're sitting alone, in private, in front of their computer. On the other hand, when they're in a public social setting, they (just like everyone else) feel judged by society. For an Asian guy who wants to date white women, that social pressure is the best weapon for combating racism. After breaking past that initial barrier, the rest is up to the individual.
Online dating is also a reason why, especially in the Bay Area, we see so many Asian Female White Male couples. (There are 2x as many AFWM as AMWF. Anyone who lives in the Bay Area has seen this pairing disproportionately.) Asian females who have mostly Asian social circles, but who have racial inferiority complexes, are now able to satisfy their insecurities via Tinder by dating or having casual sex with white men. Yes, not all AMWF couples are based on creepy racial dynamics, but too many are.
Being an Asian American male myself, my friends and I had similar experiences. Asian males have it rough on dating apps. I really think the reduction to text and photos emphasizes racial disadvantages in the dating market, at least in the USA. I had a lot better luck abroad.
Caucasian and male. Single female expats don't seem to stay very long. There are way more male expats, and even dorky ones tend to date pretty locals. The expat nightlife and social scene is not something that is appealing to most women.
The interracial relationships of the Bay Area are purely a result of the numbers. If you’re in the Google employee socioeconomic class, your social environment is about 30% Indian, 20% Asian, 20% American born white, and 20% other. The chance that you’ll marry someone of a different race, with no preference, is >70%.
However relationships are very homogenous on social class, education, values, politics, and physical attractiveness.
I created several tinder profiles of men of different ethnicities. As a white person, tinder does wonders. As a brown person, you’re the least desirable.
Complete garbage. I is not hard to find an attractive lady in SF for either a date or a longer term relationship. Of course, it helps to be as sexy as I am.
Seriously, though, it's not that hard. I usually only hear this complaint from guys who are looking to only date white women or suchlike Given that the city is around 50% Asian these days, one might want to consider branching out. that said, i've dated girls of every ethnicity within the last 15 years, though not since I met the outstandingly lucky * Mrs Browl.
* What? She says she's happy about it. Most of the time.
Here's an uncomfortable thought: an effective 1-to-1 mapping between men and women probably doesn't exist.
So why am I not a high value male? I have an Ivy league education. I have a 6 figure income. I'm creative. I'm talented, to the point where I've competed in international music competitions. I think it's telling that the majority of the messages I get on Tinder are from east asians.
I've also commented here in the past when I was dating a creole woman, and I was disappointed in the number of fellow commenters here who rejected the idea of dating someone apparently based on their race. The US, California, and the Bay Area in particular are fabulous multicultural societies, in the global and historical context. However, it's far from colorblind here. I've been racially an "anomaly" most of my life. The Bay Area is the first time I've experienced what it's like to be part of a "them."
> If you go to Asia, you shouldn't have any problems. But here in the West where most people are white, and what's portrayed as handsome and sexy in the media, arts, and culturally significant works like movies will predominantly be white people.
Actually, if you go to Asia, the same imbalance is found - white men have an amazingly easy time of picking up women there, without even knowing the local language and/or customs. Asian women who have never even left their home countries and can barely speak English see white guys as handsome and sexy.
In fact, white guys who couldn't get any action in the West (with white women) find tons of Asian women in Asia who will literally throw themselves at them. This applies to almost all countries in Asia, regardless of wealth - Japan, Korea, China, Taiwan, Thailand, Vietnam, etc. Ever heard of Charisma Man?[0]
But can you imagine an Asian guy coming to America and doing the same - not knowing English or anything about American customs but trying to pick up American women? He wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of succeeding - he'd be laughed out of the clubs (literally).
>>>being non-white is a larger factor than location or ratio
Back when OKCupid's blog had a bunch of interesting data and insights about dating, the conclusion was: if you are male, and you are NOT a top-tier chiseled-jaw white/black/Latin guy....your prospects in the US are slim-to-none. And that was before women had legions of OnlyFans simps at their fingertips.
The part about the Asian woman trying to "decolonize" herself after realizing she was only dating white guys was funny and sad. She wound up going on 6 dates - 5 with black guys and one with a half Asian half white guy.
People talk a lot about "white male privilege" and I think this is probably the biggest example. As a white guy, I feel bad for my Asian male friends. Some of the most racist things I've ever heard in my life came from Asian women talking about Asian men. It must feel so shitty for those guys.
No he’s right on the Asian women dating more White than Asian. It’s pretty well documented in the Asian American community.
That being said, a lot of that is probably due to attitude of the guys. I live in Japan and even here I hear things like "it’s easy for you to get a girlfriend because your are white". This is dumb for a lot a reasons, including the fact the sheer majority of Japanese girl wants to have local boyfriend, not a foreigner they can’t even communicate properly with. Now, when I ask them about the last time they did nanpa (street pickup), or set a date with a girl they like or any action whatsoever towards the opposite sex the answer is zilch. I asked my own girlfriend when she was once teasing me about the important number of guys who would like to have a relationship with her why did she chose me over the others... answer was something akin to "oh, I know they like me, but noone told it nor invited me to a date". I suspect a lot of angry Asian guys who are alone are also in the low side of taking action.
> First of all if this were true you'd see tons of asian men dating white women to escape the cultural pressure.
Before jumping to conclusions, there’s another question to ask: do Asian men not want white women, do white women not want Asian men, or is there another reason entirely?
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