This is a strange response, mostly a wilful misreading of what I wrote. But yes, having your "life in order" isn't actually all that shit-hot, and yes, "expecting to be able to date" if you're not very interesting is actually "too much entitlement".
Because last time I checked, "expecting to be able to date" involves the decisions of other people and you're not really generally entitled for other people to do much more than treat you with decency and respect. Not, necessarily, want to jump your bones. Sorry.
I do not mean to be flippant, but why the sense of entitlement here? I can understand the need for common decency, but the hiring market will sort that out in due time.
What happened to the OP sucks, but this truthfully sounds like a dating story. She's just not that into you.
That just doesn't sound like a good thing. Dating is meant to be fun, awkward, wild, and everything in between, imo. It teaches you about yourself and other people. I would really hate having all that formality, but of course that's just my cultural bias.
Maybe people try to tell you you’re misguided because it sounds like you expect a date who respects you to not date other people. This is a silly expectation to have if it isn’t communicated explicitly.
Wow. Imagine the immaturity and entitlement going on here.
Like a girl/guy, that you don't even know if you want to date, stating emphatically that they won't date you unless you stop immediately from any behavior that they find objectionable. How would that go over?
Who would want to work for (or date) someone who makes a demand like that, regardless of whether you agree with the issue or not?
I haven't dated before because I did have major issues. I'm much healthier now, but because I was respectful and opted not to date when I would have been a disaster, I am now an untouchable red flag.
Not really, I'm assuming that if someone decides to not date, that it's a legitimate decision for them, and if they decide not to date because they want to achieve something big for themselves and for the world, well, all the better.
> It's just a boring "Oh i thought she was hot and I
> messaged her" kind of thing.
Just a stone's throw from "oh, I thought she was hot and I walked over to her" except that your scenario has the benefit of not being dependent on physically chancing across cute women as you romp through your daily life.
You're not Hugh Grant in a romantic comedy, so all that matters is that you're getting the results you want and enjoying the ride.
Online dating doesn't stop you from attending singles night at the roller rink, but it might give you more opportunities to find what you're looking for. That it's your Brave New World seems more indicative of personal self-limiting hangups about what courtship should be vs. what it actually is.
Am I the only person here who thinks that most of the comments on this thread are indicative of people grossly over-thinking dating?
The only real pre-requisite for dating is that you like yourself; if you like yourself, then other people will (although not all people.) Everything else you'll have to learn experientially - everything from how to collect a phone number to how to tactfully handle delicate / awkward situations.
Saying "Yes man" probably derailed my thesis since it's associated with the higher rungs of the corporate ladder. I thought that this would be uncontroversial.
I'd like to focus on Dating because I disagree with your offhand comment, even though it was in jest and is probably more cynical than you are in person.
> The more … apathetic ill be cherished. Sounds like dating ;)
Feeling bad makes your behavior suffer. Being angry makes you less nice to people. Being tired means you don't engage with people. Being scared or anxious makes you hide your vulnerabilities and close yourself off. I'm not saying that badly behaved people deserve to be ignored, I'm acknowledging that it is uncomfortable to interact with people who are hurting.
Being "driven and hungry" while dating makes you behave worse. It makes you over-eager to please the other person, and it flattens out your personality. Instead of focusing on making the person like you, you should be exploring whether you like each other. A date can be successful even if the two of you don't end up dating because you two would not make a good couple.
Just because some people ended up in a relationship this way doesn't mean the behaviour should be encouraged.
Sure, some people won't mind being asked out repeatedly, or maybe even find it flattering, but some people will find it very uncomfortable, and forcing those people to deal with that just so some people get to enjoy a silly courtship ritual is not really fair.
> It seems increasingly that society demands a world where dating only happens during designated and approved dating times and venues
Isn't that the definition of "dating" though? If you're not at a previously designated "date" you're not really dating, you're just hanging out as friends. You can still try to show off good qualities that would hopefully raise the other person's interest. Sometimes people who hang out as friends even get involved quite closely romantically prior to having any formal "date" together.
Easy isn't the same thing as not hard. Not being an ass shouldn't be that hard, finding a fulfilling relationship so is not easy.
And no, it is not easy for me neither, if it wasn't for my now wife when we first met, we wouldn't be together now, forst steps and all that crap. The we didn't beak up so, well, that is on both of us.
People tend to over complicate the first step thing so. Just be reepsectful and nice, accept a no, and a date will ultimately follow. Because the opposite sex wants a date, maybe not with you but still, as well. Just don't spray and pray, that approach doesn't work with job applications, it worls even less with dating.
This is just a self-limiting belief. Statements like " all the stuff girls expect" should be a red flag to you. Frankly, I hear this uttered by guys who are only making statements about how they think dating is like since they aren't actually doing much dating.
Hint: Try branching out beyond dinner dates, anyways. There are cheap/free dates that are far more interesting, and you filter for cool women that want to do those things.
"Wanna go to an expensive dinner?" isn't what women want in 2022 either. It's boring.
If you want excitement, you'll get excitement.
If you want stability, you'll get stability.
If you want to confirm an opinion of yourself as undateable - guess what, that's what you'll get.
Most people say they want one thing but actually don't work towards that thing. They just pay it lip service.
Because last time I checked, "expecting to be able to date" involves the decisions of other people and you're not really generally entitled for other people to do much more than treat you with decency and respect. Not, necessarily, want to jump your bones. Sorry.
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