My experience with meds might be interesting: I work in a customer-facing technical role where my soft skills are paramount. Taking stimulants was disorienting, but helped me manage emotions very well. They worked well for focus, but killed my ability to be fundamentally nice. I might have been able to adapt in time, but I would have had to change careers in the meantime. I now take buproprion and it works well enough on motivation without causing social problems.

I was open and honest in my interview with my current company about my ADHD, and that I didn't need any form of special treatment (with the exception of a keyed locker to keep my medication in - it's a controlled substance in the UK). Everyone was understanding about it, and I have a lot of support on offer from them, but ironically I no longer seem to need it, my medication has completely removed my symptoms.

Large companies these days want to appear welcoming and care about things like diversity. We have a disability, and it's important we see it that way. Without my medication, I struggle to integrate with society, I struggle to focus on tasks (or obsess over them to an unhealthy degree).

There's also a lot to be said for hiring developers with ADHD who are being treated: We spent decades learning behaviors to allow us to focus on tasks, once we're being treated, the issues goes away but the behaviors remain. It can be a superpower sometimes.

I spent my life wondering how people focus on work for 9 hours a day: It turns out that they don't, but decades of trying to emulate that combined with "performing enhancing" medication means that we _can_.

I’m in my thirties now, and was stuck at home during lockdown with my then pregnant wife. I’m a working developer, but I knew my work was inconsistent. I blamed myself, and had mostly forgotten the diagnosis. Living and working in the same house as me had made my wife begin to notice just how much ADHD affected me day to day, and was starting to become frustrated with it.

Immediately after reading the comment on here, I created a doctors appointment. I ended up going back on Adderall, but when discussing dosage I asked for the lowest dose possible. 5mg. My doctor told me it was a child’s dose (not in a mean or demeaning way,) and was happy to start me there.

I’m still at 5mg. It hasn’t made living with me the easiest, for sure. But according to my wife it’s been a huge improvement. I’m so much more focused and capable. I really cannot overstate the improvement at home. My wife is less nervous about distractions and issues related to having a newborn being taken care of by a wife with ADHD.

Of course, it’s helped at work as well. I’ve been more productive than I previously thought possible. I’ve also just learned so much more and read so much more. Earlier this year, I ended up realizing that I’d like to try interviewing for the first time in years. Within a month, I’d doubled my salary. That last part is probably the least reproducible thing. But I do think I was essentially accepting a salary level I could live with because I knew I was an inconsistent employee and my employer was letting it slide.

Obviously, everyone’s body and mind are different. This isn’t meant as an unreserved ad for ADHD medication. Living with someone who could give me her perspective I’m really helped — I probably wouldn’t have stuck with it had she not been able to articulate a marked improvement within a few weeks.

Still, this single recommendation to go to the doctor and talk about ADHD was the single biggest life improvement me or my family could have ever received.

Growing up, ADHD was my biggest enemy in life and I didn't even realize it.

Once I began treatment, the change was almost overnight. I know I'm just one data point in a sea of data points, but I really just want to add that I'm on the other end of the parent comment and getting diagnosed, other than my marriage and the birth of my son, was the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I recall the computer based testing before and after the short-term dose of Ritalin. The graph of my body movement and failure rate - I became normal. I could do the task and it wasn't hell under Methlyphenidate. I was relaxed.

On the downside - the change in my behaviour and my ability to be more independent with administration etc. caused my partner and I to separate. My change was too much for her. It makes me sad, however I was an utter pain-in-the-ass for her the way I was. My invoicing and personal accounts were always such a mess, but now I can do these things myself. I'm next-level organised compared to how I was before.

My core work as a strategist / developer has also improved remarkably. I don't rush in and make stupid moves so much these days - and I find myself taking the time to understand things I never had the patience to understand.

In short, I feel like I've been living my life on hard-level my entire life. At 45 everything changed. It's just a shame I wasn't diagnosed earlier, but I didn't believe ADHD was actually a valid disorder.

We’re still working through medication, figuring out the best dosage etc, but it has been a big improvement to my focus. My screen time on my phone dropped 1.5hours / day as soon as I went on meds. So that’s a measurable improvement.

Strategies have been a little hit and miss so far, my psychiatrist recommended recording all of my conversations so that I can go back and relisten to them later, but it’s not something I’m comfortable doing. One thing that has been a huge help was doing Dave Crewnshaws time management for adhd course, just the simple things like maintaining a clean desk, keeping everything in its place has been super helpful.

I was fortunate to have a local medical school with a psychiatry department that has an Adult ADHD clinic where I could seek a diagnosis at the age of 42. Unlike many adults who suspect they have ADHD, I was taken seriously and did not encounter any skepticism on the part of my healthcare providers. I even expressed concern that my problem could be anxiety or depression instead, and my psychiatrist said "If you have undiagnosed ADHD, of course you're going to be anxious and depressed." Find the most expert ADHD person you can for diagnosis and prescribing medication, I really think this is key.

I also agree on not giving up on medication, I had to try three before I found one that worked without also having negative side effects. There's at least one other one I'd like to try, mostly out of curiosity.

I've worked with both a therapist with ADHD expertise and an ADHD coach. My therapist helps me accept my ADHD brain, my coach helps me figure out how to work with it instead of against it. I agree coaching is more helpful but it works best if you can accept the way your brain works instead of trying to fight or change it, so seeing a therapist first to work through that might be a good idea.

I've been listening to a lot of ADHD audiobooks lately. The one I've liked best so far is Nancy Ratey's _The Disorganized Mind_ -- she has ADHD herself and she's the wife of John Ratey, co-author of Driven to Distraction. She kind of invented ADHD coaching and the book is about how to coach yourself.

I took the help, and I feel better for it.

You should at least let them run the tests. What do you have to lose?

I think 'How would this help me?' is a great question to explore. I'm quite different to you as I struggle to maintain a full time job or a consistent relationship. Adults with ADHD have often developed coping methods and systems that work well for them.

Even if you are diagnosed you don't have to take any particular course of action. Medication is not mandatory.

After I was diagnosed I tried concerta. I didn't really feel it helped me a lot. I am currently in part time work but struggling to progress in my career. 8 years in and I'm still a junior and I think my condition is a big contributor.

I currently only use my meds (specifinally, Vyvanse) once per week, because I don't love the side effects and I can manage fine without most of the time. On that one day per week, I do everything that my brain chemistry usually makes difficult, which is mostly paperwork and cleaning.

The difference it's made is HUGE. I went through a whole grieving process when I realized how much easier I could've had it all along. I can sit down, spend four hours doing my taxes, and then be done (and then realize the bathroom needs cleaning, and also do that), instead of sitting down, getting a snack, doing ten minutes of taxes, cuddling with the cat, starting a conversation, going on hacker news, doing ten minutes of taxes, going on hacker news, and finally finishing the taxes ten hours later at a quarter to midnight.

It's also made a huge difference to accept that some things are simply symptoms, and not signs that I'm a disorganized failure who'd too stupid to manage daily life. It's also helped to live with people who know and accept this about me, and who know that although I'm very good at managing my symptoms, sometimes things go wrong.

Yes, sometimes everyone is mildly inconvenienced because we were about to leave and now I have to go on a ten-minute WHERE IS MY WALLET tear through the house. It's fine! Sometimes, we're mildly inconvenienced because my girlfriend's insulin pumped is clogged and she needs to spend ten mins fussing with the catheter. These are things that happen when you have a chronic health condition, and no reason for anyone to get upset or berate anyone else. Accepting that has made me a much happier person.

The not so good news: ADHD isn't going anywhere. It can affect many aspects of life. It's something that needs constant attention and there is no magical silver bullet that will fix all of you problems.

I struggled through university and then didn't really make much career progress in my 20s. I was diagnosed at 30 and started taking stimulant medication. Well my life since then has not been perfect it's definitely on an upward trend. I'm doing better at work and in interpersonal relationships. You've already noticed emotional disregulation in yourself.

Start by informing yourself. There is a lot of bad information around about ADHD. Russell Barkley[1] is an expert on the topic and a great place to start. His free talks are available on youtube and made me realize the extent of my problem. His book, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD,

[1] https://www.russellbarkley.org/

The answer was "No". His response was "well, then what's the problem?"

The longer answer from me should have been "no, but keeping up appearances requires Herculian effort, and I pay a tremendous emotional and personal cost, I am distant from my wife and 2 kids, and at night time, the anxiety is enough to materialize a cold ball of steel in the pit of stomach".

I managed to get a diagnosis anyway, and my psychiatrist got me started on Ritalin, and then onto Concerta (I take Vyvanse now). The difference was like flipping a switch. My work output improved out of sight, I stopped being a zombie at night time because I didn't have to go through a cycle of wake up -> work -> burnout -> sleep -> recover every day, and I'm earning more than twice what I was at the time of my diagnosis, and I don't think any of that would have been possible if I'd remained in the same situation.

What I've learned over the years is that the problems associated with ADHD don't "go away" with medication, they just become more manageable, and knowing how my brain works both on and off medication has been TREMENDOUS tool for increasing self-awareness and understanding that the anxiety/procrastination/apathy etc is a function of neurochemistry, and not a harbinger of doom or destruction.

The results after multiple tests (my doctor even asked to talk with my wife) came back positive.

For the past few months I have been trying different medication and dosage and the improvement in life quality has been massive. I’m super productive at work, my mood swings are gone, I can recall stuff much more easily and I’ve been doing things I’ve been postponing for years: learning new technologies, reading a ton of new books, doing side-projects, etc.

My recommendation is to get properly diagnosed and if things come back positive discuss starting on medication. I know that in the USA (I’m in Western Europe) ADHD and medication for it have a lot of stigmas and misconceptions associated and some doctors are reluctant to put people on meds (especially adults from I’ve read) but doing nothing and just trying to live with this condition without any help is hell…

Good luck!

All my therapy was about struggling with my ADHD for so long because it was unkown and untreated. Once I figured the ADHD part out, everything else fell into place.

Knowing this about myself has been nothing but positive for me.

TL:DR - Therapy is also essential, especially if you have built an adult life & persona to counteract the ADHD symptoms. What is “you” and what has been a coping mechanism? It’s fascinating indeed.