I think the problem here is that the word 'friend' in US English means someone you know, but are not necessarily really close to (should really be described as an 'acquaintance'). People usually use 'good friend' or 'BFF' to describe actual friendship.
I think the wording is wrong here. The post makes a lot more sense if you replace the word "friendship" with "relationship". It is quite possible that's what the author actually intended to say, but for whatever reason (brain cramp, poor English, whatever), ended up writing "friendship" instead.
So, the "old friend" is an Apple that the author originally considered an acceptable compromise.
I have to confess that in this particular case, and maybe at this particular time, I was "hoping" that this was about a real human being, and the process of saying goodbye to him/her. I guess I was looking for a peek into the feelings of someone else, who cared deeply about another person.
Not sure why the author "actively resists" having her spouse as best friend. My wife and I have known each other since high school. She's the only one from high school I still talk to regularly, and she is definitely my best friend.
We're in our 50s. She has always been more social than me, and struggles to make female friends. I'm not sure that it works as well for her as it does for me, but the casual acquaintances and handful of friends I've had since hitting my 30s have been enough for me.
My impression has certainly been that everyone expected them to be best friends, and then when they stated that basically, no, they've got professional respect for each other but aren't at the level where they're seeking out joint projects for post-mythbusters projects or having frequent social contact, people started interpreting it as the other extreme and assuming there was animosity there.
Basically on the level of that guy you worked with in a previous job that you're not really going to put in the effort to reach out to as much as you both said you would.
I think the distinction needs to be made on whether or not they started together as best friends or if they became close through work. My reaction would be different for each situation.
"If I was "Matt" in the article, and if the author was my best friend, and a very important one at that, I would rather divorce my wife than move, if the move would endanger the friendship I had with the author".
Wow that's taking it to one extreme. What if this job was extremely rewarding financially for your wive or turned out to be what she really wanted to do for years? Would you not support her in this endeavour?
I think true, lasting male friendship should not necessarily imply frequent meetings among friends, but it should definitely entail something along the lines of "I've got your back, and I know you've got mine buddy". Also a lot of things in male friendship do not need to be explicitly communicated unlike female friendship (No need for endless text/messages saying "I love you man!").
It's very important to have friends with whom you share common interests and activities, but they are not necessarily your best friends. Your best friends are generally the ones you've known for decade(s) and regardless of where they are , will be ready to jump in a field of fire with you and come to your aid when times are tough. There's an unwritten contract among best friends; there's an unpronounced oath among men who hold each other in high esteem.
From Oxford Dictionary: Friend - a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.
Developing mutual affection takes time. Clearly, technology has taken this word 'friend' (and many of it's variants) and has - to use the new parlance - mashed it up. Of course, words and meanings evolve but technology has created social platforms that leave behind words and meanings that were shaped over decades and centuries. There's a dissonance between who we think is a 'friend' and what a social platform thinks is a 'friend'. The context is new, the rules are not well established, and the words are awfully inadequate.
I agree with Mr Gray, btw. It is creepy. But, this is quite normal where technology is busy pushing the boundaries.
I am perhaps irrationally annoyed by people calling spouses their “best friends”. We get it: you chose to marry the person so obviously you like this person “best”, therefore someone else should be your “best friend”. A friend is a different thing. You can behave differently with a best friend. You shouldn’t feel like you’re somehow undercutting your spouse just because someone else is your best friend.
Aren't boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses/partners the obvious confounders here? They don't seem to address that point, yet they observe that the "best friend" is usually of the opposite sex. That may be true, but the study seems to be making an argument about "friends," not sexual/romantic partners.
In other words: this paper seems to fail the whiff test.
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