Mmm no. A friend of mine is a male model and the fact that he is very good looking makes all the difference in the world.
Where I can agree is that a man can make up for a lack of attractiveness with other things. But being super attractive is simply a huge advantage, that cannot always be compensated with other qualities.
Imagine if, when a guy looked at any woman, he saw big grey blobs that obscured part of her face and the shape of her body. Probably most guys would say that was not very attractive.
But, if a guys spends time getting to know woman, the blobs disappeared and he was able to clearly see how attractive she looked.
This is basically how attraction works for many women. Factors other than physical appearance tend to be relatively more important for women than men. So the “total package” of attractiveness is not entirely visible at first. It takes time to get a clear picture. This means that at first, using only physical appearance, yes most guys will look unattractive. There are a lot of metaphorical gray blobs.
Don’t take the wrong lesson from the stats. The lesson is not “most guys don’t have a chance with women.” The lesson is, “seek matches in situations that involve more than physical appearance.” Situations where people can talk and get to know each other.
Personally, I think it's within men's power to be attractive to most women. I know because I had that experience between the age of 30-40. But what is attractive is very difficult to achieve for most men, requires a lot of things to go right and a single misstep based on ignorance can set you back enough to be unrecoverable. Not to mention that women are constantly surrounded by men of high status (at work, social media, etc). These are all new problems.
Seeking those traits in women is hard-coded into men.
(Obviously there are exceptions - as with any rule - but do I really need to add this caveat ... ?)
The problem with being attractive as a male is twofold. You're constantly antagonized by other males, even in the most trivial things, and it's harder to been taken seriously because most people correlate good looks with low intelligence. Bottom line is that you have to try harder than everyone else because everywhere you go you'll face hostility, especially in the corporate world.
For example, it took me a lot of years to realize why men where constantly bragging about their lives when I first met them. Initially I thought that this is common, that everyone does it. But it turns out that they do it because I'm good looking and they feel disadvantageous, even if I downplay the way I look. Imagine how it feels if pretty much everyone you meet comes with you with a fake personality. It wears you down and makes relationships too difficult.
It applies way harder and more cruelly to women as far as dating goes.
A physically unattractive man with a good personality + social skills can do very well with women. Same cannot really be said of a physically unattractive woman.
> If you're a woman of average or better looks, you have one under-spoken superpower. Namely, how you interact with other men will have a huge effect on their social status.
Hmm... I would say in general this is true of attractiveness of average or better than average regardless, particularly if you allow for broader definitions of "attractive", and once you factor in sexual orientation.... and even when sex isn't an issue, there's all kinds of stuff that people do that works the same way. Watch a middle-aged balding male salesman work their magic sometime... even when dealing with a heterosexual, middle-aged male customer.
Appearance, however, forms the first impression that you must struggle to overcome if you’re average or below average. In meat-markets like bars, tinder, and dating sites, few women want, or need, to look much further than your looks.
It’s also legitimately dangerous to flirt at work - a place where we might spend enough time with a woman to get past appearances and into personalities - because a single misunderstanding due to poor flirting skills can lose you your job.
Obligatory disclaimer that I’m not trying to downplay how much women can be harassed at work, on the street, in the bar, on messaging apps, etc.
While this is true, you have a lot more control over this than you may realize. Especially if you're a male seeking a female. Most men think they same physical characteristics they're interested in will be appealing to the opposite sex. There are many physical traits that women prefer but they're less shallow than us men.
Confidence and the ability to talk are huge. You're social status among your peer group. How well you dress. Do you look after yourself physically. All of these things can be developed.
It's hard for people to understand that because women have their peak attractiveness earlier than men. Like it or not you are in a race against time to find a partner.
Like it or not everyone has to be on the lookout for potential partners all the time.
Male physical attractiveness is qualitatively different from female, because female attractiveness is pretty much a set of fertility proxies[1] and little else, whereas male attractiveness is much more dependent on signaling provisioning ability and overall social status.
Keep in mind that it works the other way, too: extreme attractiveness can also be a repellent for women. Especially if the guy has a big ego, is a player, etc. (not many nerds are, but some are). When it comes to relationships, most women I know of prefer loyalty over physical attractiveness, even if they say otherwise.
Of course, there is also the issue of persistence, which cannot be entirely discounted.
> For girls rule #1 is "be a girl"
Not at all. Women can have just as much of a hard time as men, especially for certain ethnicities.
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