What would I do with myself? Anything but sit in another pointless meeting or pretend to care about the latest corporate policy. The focus should absolutely be getting out of the 9-5 as soon as possible.
And I've found it gets worse once you realize you are financial independent or within spitting distance of the early-retirement. It magnifies the BS and makes it easier to mouth off. It also magnifies the concerns around inflation and stock market returns that could chain you to the 9-5 longer than planned.
Maybe it’s too much focus on work and not enough relaxation or vacation to let new ideas flow in?
You could be the best at x task but there are only 5 positions in the middle of nowhere that require it so why spend time on it?
Otherwise, audit your time in 15min increments for one week, reduce entertainment, and get enough sleep/exercise/etc. Use a dumb phone.
I’m not sure if you’re in a mid life crisis or pre-retirement one. I sat down then wrote a 1, 2, 5, 10, 20 year hypothetical plan and realized I needed to change it all because of the retirement date as well as value for spending my time doing it all.
I find that I reach that half-life at a company too. After I sweep up the things that are in my control I start noticing all the other problems that are hard for me to affect and then I get complacent. I think I probably need a change of scenery. I have a 2 week vacation to Japan coming up so I think that will be a good time to clear my head and really get a chance to digest what is going on. Thanks for sharing your perspective with me, it helps a lot.
Short term: Take a break. Delegate. List the things that are painful/stressful and avoid on the days you're not feeling it. Limit email to twice a day. Don't use IRC/Chat if you can, it's too demanding on your attention. Take the vacation, leave the smartphone at home and let your mind rest.
Long term: Focus on moving to a point where you can take a step back. It's easy when you're a founder to become control-obsessed, which leads you feeling like you, and only you can fix XYZ. This is a precarious position to be in, and certainly isn't scalable. Think of this as the "what if I get hit by a bus" plan. All your efforts should be on proccesses, documenting and some key hires so that the company can run without you. Both for yours and the companies sake. After all, you need the option to retire/sell one day - the company MUST be able to run without you.
I think this is the best approach. Turn off the news, delete social media, commit yourself to caring for those around you. You need to focus on the stuff within your sphere of influence, otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy. There are good and bad things happening to the 7+ billion people on this planet each day, there is no way we can have an emotional reaction to every event.
Edit to add: regarding the recession, talk to your supervisors and others in your company. Are layoffs actually likely? What is the outlook? You should only worry if your company specifically is in trouble. Even then, we are in a highly in-demand field, there is a good chance you'll find a new job if you focus on doing excellent work here and now (be so-good-they-can't-ignore-you, as it were).
I was actually in this exact situation about ~8 months ago. One of the best inspirational videos that got me through that time was http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhqZ0RU95d4 . Caution: Gary is a little loud and obnoxious but he makes good points.
Even if you have a 8-5 day job, work the 8pm-2am night shift and stop complaining. Take @edw519's advice and make a list of 10 things you can do to create value and start doing them. Even if you have to be somewhere for 8+ hours that sucks use that time to your advantage.
There is no excuse for not making it happen, use that free time you do have to make meaning and create value.
I had this situation early in my career, where the main discussion people had was about the company's daily share price in the stock market. I didn't feel alive or wanted working in this environment. I also felt my brain was rusting.
Work is a fairly complex system and getting it to work towards our preferred success function or particular concept of happiness is herculean. I used to previously think that I need to adapt but I've dropped that concept. I go towards opportunities that are primed for what I consider fruitful and satisfactory work in an environment where I can see myself for 5+ years. Only if the particular work really needs me to do it, I do it else drop it. This may sound entitled but I feel its a way of taking care of yourself.
I used to go back to Steve Job's Stanford speech earlier as a cope but it's a good one to watch in your lows.
Option 2 : Suck it up and work on improving the situation. Instead of throwing in the towel and going on a quest for self discovery, find ways to avoid stress. Take up yoga/gym classes or play some video games in between. Take your wife shopping, have quick power naps just google and see what works for you. You are not the first person to be in this situation, discuss with your peers on how they handle it and try to see if you can incorporate some of their good habits.
You're having a company which you started and which you say is profitable, don't throw away all that due to some temporary situation. Instead of running away, face it and see how you can improve on it !
I agree. For me the solution was to stop thinking about my career as much more than a means to an end ($$$). The system is broken, sure, but fixing it isn't my job.
I'll work on problems I find interesting, and for all I care, the system can crash and burn. All the while, I'll clock out when I want and go home with a smile on my face.
I don't really see a problem here; your mind is drifting wandering. Pretty clear that you are restless but it's likely mostly in you.
1. Meditation and taking time out of the day to enjoy your life
2. Take time out of your day to enjoy what you have
3. Remember to take time out of your day to enjoy life for what it is. Not what it can be.
4. Take time out of your day to appreciate your peers and your loved ones. Take them out to dinner or just show how much you appreciate them.
5. Lastly if you really want to quit; you need to setup an exit plan. It's clear you have a few excuses; hell don't we all. Can't find someone to replace you? well if the domain knowledge is high; it's likely needing to be documented and distilled down. Maybe it's too much for 1 person maybe 2 or 3 people could replace you.
Lastly stop assuming life has to be a certain way; it's hard enough with all these assumptions and expectations lumped on us. By beating yourself up you are just doing yourself a disservice.
Don't forget to tell yourself how amazing you are; I mean you are a founder at a company that is not in debt. You could be acquired; you don't have to be a founder forever it sounds like.
What helped me a ton to disconnect from some of this sort of stress is building up a bit of a savings buffer. Once I had a few months of savings around I suddenly started to give much less of a shit about day to day work as I could, if I really wanted, just walk away. I am "lucky" in that I have no real dependants and my partner and I have decided against kids so there's none of that to consider.
Ever since I entered my thirties I've been increasingly "selfish" when it comes to my time. No job is worth it.
Assuming you can't leave the place (no other prospects around, family to feed, etc) you simply check out mentally. You do an okay job (no point in overachieving), stop being personally invested in the success of projects, roll your eyes a lot, and find meaning somewhere other than work. And if things get too overwhelming you can always vent to your co-workers who are also stuck in your same situation.
"So my question is, how can I get out of this vicious circle of unfulfilling work 9-20 (officially its 9-5 by I never get out of the office before 20) and do something that I care about?"
Thanks. All you say is accurate and the tension between doing the right thing vs sabotaging is real.
I’ve been basically living all my adult life like a frugal college student so that I could amass millions of dollars to get out of the rat race. However, it seems like the burnout is getting so bad that I might not be able to continue with this accumulation strategy.
At the core of it is (1) my inability to effectively deal with work pressure (2) a strong sense of impostor syndrome, which FAANG makes it even worse (3) my extremely introvert personality, being in a senior technical position at work I have to constantly interact with other people and I hate every minute of it, despite still doing it.
My ideal life is one where I have enough passive income to keep me afloat in perpetuity (working on it), and spend my time trying to build low-pressure solo online businesses that allow me to cultivate programming at my own pace without having to talk to other people except my family. Even just writing it out sounds idyllic.
I look at our minds and bodies like a formula 1 car, you may not like it, but at some point you need to replenish. You can either do it in intelligent intervals that allow not to live with that lingering sense that you might blow up at any given moment. Or, you can push until everything starts to fail and you're forced to recover.
The question isn't whether we need to pause and recover, it's whether we'll choose to integrate that time into intelligent intervals that let you feel good along the way or hold out for one big boom the also happens to leave you feeling increasingly like garbage as you approach your limit.
Just look to the structure of ycombinator. It isn't 6, 9 or 12 months. Because nobody can sanely keep that level of intensity or pace for that long.
Plus, once you're far enough into life to have people and activities that allow you to come alive outside of work (even if you love your work), you do a disservice to both your professional and personal vision by ignoring those people over long periods of time.
That is one approach that I try to take sometimes. The real problem is more that having to report every morning on work I've done that is in the sprint puts a real damper on my ability to focus on the other stuff. And if effort spent overcoming that isn't even appreciated, why bother? It's just kind of demoralizing, especially after having spent a decade working at a job where I was able to get things done. Live and learn, then get demoted to a position where you can't apply any of it.
I guess if you have a tendency to automate yourself out of a job, it's inevitable that you'll end up somewhere so dysfunctional that it's impossible to do so.
Hey no you're not declining!
I think this happens to a lot of us from time to time! I have become fairly good at recognizing it in myself (mid 30's) and have learned what I need to do to get over the hump!
For me - it helps to step away from work. I mean, really step away to the point I completely forget about work. Go play pickleball, take a day trip, hike, swim, camp, try something entirely new that you have never done before (skydiving, SCUBA lessons, cross-country skiing), etc. The goal is to become immersed in your environment to the point it requires a great use of your mental capacity - in a way that is engaging and fun.
Even if I don't feel like stepping away from work and I disagree with myself that the issue is actually becoming too immersed in my work for too long, I have learned to simply default towards leaning on experience and getting away for a while.
By the time I come back to the same problem if I haven't already gathered a good idea as to how to go about it, I will at least have a new perspective; it's a win-win.
Please take care of your mental health, take care of yourself and don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself a second chance, draw things out, get out of the office, take a break, and come back and approach the problem after you've refreshed yourself!
I've found that I get sucked into severe surfing mostly when I'm unhappy. Like when I move to a new city and don't know anyone, or broke up with a girlfriend, or had a shitty job, or have some looming deadline for work that I have zero interest in.
About a month ago, we started having severe problems at the startup I work for. The finances are a total mess and the boss has been irrationally taking it out on a couple other employees who are friends of mine. What's ultimately going to happen is a bunch of people are going to leave en masse, and if I don't go with them, I'm going to be stuck cleaning up the mess they left behind. After learning this, it sort of feels futile to do anything at work, and subsequently my hacker news karma has finally passed 1000! It leaks out into the rest of my life, too. I feel pretty stupid that I quit my old startup to work at this one. I really should be looking for a new job, or working on a startup idea of my own. However, general fear and bummed-outedness has been steering me to instead do stuff like stay up until 4AM reading the entire blog archives of all my favorite female musicians.
Maybe a bit too personal and self-helpy, but I haven't ever felt like I was wasting too much time online when everything else in my life was going smoothly. On the other hand, maybe internet time-wasting is an unavoidable job hazard of a VC who funds a lot of fun projects.
I hit almost this exact situation at my last gig. It came down to one of two things: was I okay with complete job security while being completely bored and apathetic all day, or would I take a bit of a leap of faith if it meant getting out of a rut? I chose the latter and it worked out. Maybe if I was a higher-up I would have tried to fix things, but it wasn't really my responsibility at the time. I'm not completely absolved; I could have tried harder to institute things like PRs and linters, but my give-a-fuck was far below the threshold it would have taken for me to really take action.
And I've found it gets worse once you realize you are financial independent or within spitting distance of the early-retirement. It magnifies the BS and makes it easier to mouth off. It also magnifies the concerns around inflation and stock market returns that could chain you to the 9-5 longer than planned.
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