You are obviously joking but still, give foiling (as in pump foiling, wing foiling or eFoil) a try. It's not the same but the closest you can get, at least within 3 feet over a water surface (which makes crashing a lot more benign)
I don't know if they're still running but in 2015 I took the hydrofoil from Vienna to Bratislava on the Danube. It was really cool. The folding tablets were big metal chunks, everything was screaming "Soviet technology that will withstand the next ice age" :)
That's completely over-engineered. You just need inflatable floats and then the helicopter can pick the booster up within minutes to prevent salt water corrosion.
The tiny Wave Gliders are quite useful. They're small, smaller than a surfboard. They're considered "marine debris" for vessel safety purposes. Electronics is so small today that they carry compute power, GPS, cameras, and Iridium for communications, plus other small oceanographic instruments as desired. They're tough enough to survive hurricanes. The control center has AIS info and steers them away from vessel traffic. Propulsion is mostly passive, using wave action to propel the glider forward. They're slow, but make steady progress.
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