> We have a lot of money but almost zero family support.
Relying on family support right now with like no money . I’m amazed at parents who have little money and no family support and sometimes work multiple jobs. Lot of respect for those people as it must be hard and they power on.
> All in all our seven-person family has around 1400-1500 dollars in monthly expenditure
Yeah, I doubt that takes into account external things like school lunches and neighbors giving things to the “poor” children. With “poor” meaning unfortunate and not poverty stricken.
Every time I hear of a school closing for whatever reason they always state that the food program will remain open because truly poor people rely on it out of absolute necessity. Nobody wants their kids to go hungry and that goes double for the collective “we”.
Now that I think about it my sister’s husband grew up dirt poor, and not because his grandparents(?) chose that lifestyle, and spent his entire youth working as hard as he could to not be poor. Like commuting 3 hours every day to attend a “good” university and never looking back. Dude absolutely hates poverty.
> So I don't think it's something you can solve with money alone, having functional parents is always going to set you up to do better in life.
Do you think your parents being in poverty (if they were) or a similar situation made it as difficult for them as it was for you? It seems to be an obviously vicious cycle that is difficult to break without education and opportunity for people in these situations.
> The reality for many of us who grew up in poverty and may have 'made it' to a greater or lesser extent is that our families are likely didn't. It's shocking to me how many M's and Z's don't see themselves as being responsible for their families. I find it highly disappointing.
You are saying this as you are charging rent to your mother? I have never heard of anyone doing that.
Having no monetary help from a family making 100K a year is still different from having no monetary help from a family making 20K. If we want fair, how is growing up in a family with poor parents fair compared to growing up in a family with rich parents? While you might be able to blame the parent for their own financial situation, you cannot blame the child.
>it was pretty upsetting to see kids who were ostensibly poorer than I was get a substantially easier start in life.
Considering that they already had an ~18 year start of life where they likely weren't having it easier...
> My parents were poor because they were born in a shitty country with a shitty economic system and there wasn't anything they could do except leave. That's bad luck.
Ahh so $4000 had rather more purchasing power than in the US then. I wondered about a salary that low.
> given that the main cause of money-poverty is not working
Is that really true? I'm not sure if my girlfriend's family qualifies as truly poor, but they certainly don't have much money. Her dad has two jobs--line cook and hotel janitor--and her mom is also a line cook. They frequently have to go to check cashing places, they have only one car so her mom relies on taking the bus to work (which takes over an hour each way, and also requires walking to the bus stop), and they rarely if ever do things like run the AC in their house. They do live in a house as opposed to an apartment, but that's a relatively new development. The house is also in a somewhat sketchy area--for example, her brother was robbed at gunpoint walking through an adjacent neighborhood at 10PM.
>One of the clearest moments I've ever had of not realizing my privilege was a conversation with someone who, once they started earning money, had to give money to their parents to support the household.
This was a ubiquitous practice in the circles I grew up in - Once a child was old enough to work they were expected to get a job and help the family with the bills. Coworkers would talk about it at every job I worked at as a teenager and my parents talked about having to help their parents out with the bills as a teenager.
It was so common I felt pretty lucky that I got to keep all the money I made.
>Every time my family had any money, they bought stuff. Not stuff we needed, but stupid crap. Definitely not calculated decisions to make progress to getting out of poverty.
Growing up my family did the same (waste money), but frankly, it didn't matter. It's not like a $300 check can do much to help a person, let alone a family, progress out of poverty. From my experience education is pretty much the only thing that works to move people out of poverty, and it is very expensive and exclusive.
>It only takes a generation and some common thinking for a family to stick together and get ahead, and ensure their children never need to borrow money from a bank to get an education, or buy a house. You don't have to be rich... but why can't we live, you know, a generation ahead? I know a guy who told me his parents paid for all his stuff, his house, etc, and therefore all his work and all that (good tech guy) was just being saved up for HIS kids, ad-infinitum. They aren't trying to be rich - they just stay a generation ahead.
You are talking about unbelievable sums of wealth that are completely unavailable to the working poor. This is great advice for people who are already unbelievably privileged (probably most of us at HN) but it does jack shit for people who are living pay cheque to pay cheque because their pay cheque is barely enough to sustain any standard of living.
> There are people who never grow up if given the opportunity to keep living with their parents. My cousin is one of them.
The case of a totally unmotivated individual not engaging themselves in school or work is totally different than the case of working young adults who want to live independently of their parents, but can't afford to do so due to high cost of living, high debt, or other financial factors. I know people who have been in both categories, and they are not much alike.
> I think that when someone says "can't afford" what they really mean is "I'd rather spend that money on something else".
No, what many of us mean is that "We can't afford to give a child the kind of support and resources and opportunities that a responsible parent knows it is their job to provide."
Many of us grew up poor, and saw people around us who didn't make it out. Many of them are still poor bordering on destitute, some are in prison, a couple I know are dead. Until I can *reasonably guarantee* that I'm not putting my kid in that position, I'm not going to have a kid.
> I certainly got zero cash from family when I bought a home.
Crucially, this is not the least help your family can offer.
For many (most?) people in the world, their relatives are actually insecure and need financial support. This is a key reason the cycle of poverty can't be broken by one person getting a good job.
I know multiple people who would've easily had a down payment on a house if their parents hadn't lost pensions/savings in the financial crisis.
Several years later, that $100k they used to bail out parents would've grown to $300k+ in equity if they could've bought a house in a city between 2009 and 2012.
> Here is one thing though: I earn comfortable now. But the trauma of poverty never leaves you. Even though I work in CS/ML, my life is pretty austere. I stick to the 'needs', and avoid the 'wants' as much as possible. Maybe it will take some years - or maybe these habits won't go. The one thing I never wish for anyone is hunger. Once you have lived through it, you won't want to be in that position ever again.
Congratulations on getting out of it tho!
My father grew up pretty much piss poor with a single mother. His reaction to living in poverty is completely the opposite. He never keeps money and buys everything in excess. Probably a way to overcompensate and, as you said, to not want to love in that position ever again.
Relying on family support right now with like no money . I’m amazed at parents who have little money and no family support and sometimes work multiple jobs. Lot of respect for those people as it must be hard and they power on.
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