People saying they're lonely doesn't typically result in others being able to do something about it though. I mean, certainly more empathy is needed towards people who feel that they need more intimacy. The other side of the coin is getting people to desire them though.
In my view, a significant factor in people feeling lonely is due to the unwillingness of most to reach out to others. Many people, and in my experience younger ones more than older, are waiting to be approached, queried, interviewed, prompted. I think there's a failure to realize that most people have good intent, and would be willing to help out with advice and opinion, but this opportunity is rarely exploited.
Lonely people will seek attention and affection, we shouldn't blame them for being human. IMHO if we want to talk about this issue let's start by examining the causes and conditions for loneliness becoming so prevalent that it became a market for OF and the like to serve. Most people with an OF subscription would likely rather keep their money, and instead have a loving partner at home. As such they are (IMHO) victims of societal and cultural conditions beyond their control, and deserve compassion.
There is a well-known, foolproof solution to sexual loneliness. As the ancient philosopher Diogenes put it, "I wish it was just as easy to banish hunger by rubbing my belly!"
Now, relationship loneliness may well be a different matter. But it can only be addressed by the individual.
I think lonely people crave companionship more than sex - given the choice. Society has formed in a way where "beautiful people" tend to get the breaks, get the sex and generally have a better quality of life. I understand a big part of this is also down to evolution and reproduction, but we have entire industries built on sexual aspiration such as fashion, advertising and porn.
I understand people crave sexual gratification, that's human nature, but I think products like this will only serve to compound the problem, make more people who feel this way look inward and ultimately more unfulfilled and lonely.
Would research and technology not be better served if it was used to help break these barriers and bring people together - rather than isolate them in their own lonely existences.
I am aware a lot of this is my own opnion, I just think it's pretty disgusting that this could be a possible future.
I would add another big variable here: people who are lonely don't always recognize they want social connection, and it's because a lot of people don't have the capability to form healthy, fulfilling relationships with other humans and therefore don't have much (if any) past history of feeling fulfilled by social interaction. If they were to build this capability and experience fulfilling social interactions, they'd find themselves wanting more of it and therefore become less lonely.
I think people have needs (such as being loved and understood, by people that they love and understand, fulfilling their ambitions, etc.) and if they aren't surrounded by others who satisfy those needs then they feel lonely, even if there are lots of people who would be with them.
So loneliness may be about taking are of our desires and needs. Sometimes it actually is borne out of what society has conditioned us to believe and to want.
I thought the most profound thing mentioned in this article was that loneliness was about intimacy. Not necessarily physical intimacy, but social intimacy. This is exceedingly important subtlety. Too often we say things like "go be social, go hang out." You can "be social", but non-intimate relationships (relationships with people you don't trust, people who are cruel, people who aren't authentic) do not have good therapeutic value.
FTA: Loneliness isn't necessarily about social interaction or spending time by oneself or with other people. It's the desire for intimacy.
With respect to finding intimacy, I can't be much help. I've never had much luck when I've searched it out. The more meaningful relationships of my life outside of family have been ones I've serendipitously stumbled into.
That's just like saying the problem isn't me, it's you. Society plays a huge role in people feeling lonely. I'm not saying it's the job of society to make someone feel accepted and have authentic connections, but the way we are currently in todays society makes it extremely difficult you'll have an authentic connection with anyone or even be that authentic connection for someone else.
I think it needs more than a close friendship. The true solution to loneliness is a lasting and intimate relationship with a romantic partner. That is something I believe has become truly hard to find.
It also has to be the right other people. When someone says they're lonely, what I hear is a lack of connection to peers and others like them. I'm not sure how generic volunteering would help with that.
Good point. In retrospect I misunderstood the gist of the article. Loneliness can be remedied simply by being around and engaged with other people. That doesn't require holding forth on whatever's being discussed.
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