it is? wow that's sad. there's all kinds of therapists and lots are pretty crappy but I don't see the benefit to society by creating a "taboo" around the entire concept of talking about your personal problems to a paid advisor.

This is hugely compounded by the fact that even when people do decide to go for treatment like therapy, they discover that its painfully inaccessible. As in, if you don't have enough money to afford the 100$+ hour sessions, you feel like you completely run out of options.

There are more services trying to address this cost issue but from my experience (in Canada), they leave a lot to be desired

That's sort of my point. They don't actually care, they help you because you pay them. I don't know if it's how I grew up or what, but this is somehow off-putting to me. I mean, I'm not against paying for services in general, but the sort of human interaction that therapy provides seems me like something that we should be able to get without money.

In US healthcare including therapists are quite expensive.

Back in the day I was an indie dev and that was really hard on me. In my lows I thought I’d seek a therapist but at $500/half hour appointment that felt like a gut punch. Didn’t have any insurance then.

ChatGPT is instantly available and free. Yes, it’s not perfect but it’s better than nothing.

For a large part of US, mental therapists are not really accessible when they most need it.

I wouldn't rule out therapy or its methods, just as you wouldn't rule out software developers because the first one you ever hired seemed to do a crappy job (and to take the analogy a step further, we know that in software the crap is often an input of the client or in their perceptual apparatus).

I had tried several therapists without much success and had stopped pursuing it, and then I happened across a good one. It was life-changing. Only my parents and spouse have done more for me.

One thing I learned about therapy is that there is method to the 'madness'. Some things I thought were ridiculous going in, I later learned were my blind spots. Sometimes they took approaches that seemed pointless or infuriated me, but worked out well. You need to be ready for that kind of change, which means challenging beliefs you hold dearly and implicitly. It's not fun and it's not simple, like a pill. If it was easy or comfortable, you would have done it yourself.

One of my biggest struggles is that my brain CAN NOT live any other way. I am realizing that there are huge costs to living true to yourself and I often wish I could relax my morals or just "care less" as people tell me.

I wish I could say living this way is worth it, right now it's not. I wish I could help myself, and if I could my next goal would be to help others who are suffering the way I am. Nobody deserves this.

> get someone professional to talk to and get back in the game.

I will continue to tell people that I'm in therapy and advocate for taking positive steps to address mental health struggles.

I just want to spell this out explicitly because I think it's a very important point, you do not need to have a mental illness to get help from a therapist. Feelings of guilt or shame are perfectly valid reasons to see a therapist, even if they're not caused by a mental illness.

I generally agree with your sentiment (though find it a bit inflammatory for no real reason), but what on earth is wrong with online support groups? These are extremely effective for lots and lots of people.

Honestly it sounds like you may be the one who should seek therapy.

My friend struggles with this. She feels mostly comfortable with being odd and feels like she is successful. It’s easy enough to avoid (or mask up with) people who don’t or won’t understand. At the worst, there is an awkward interaction that can be cut short. Sometimes she has bad spells but bounces back OK.

Perhaps therapy isn’t for her after all. There are worse off people in this world who would benefit more.

I would maybe rethink your position on this. Going to a therapist can be scary, but it can also be incredibly beneficial.

I actually disagree, I worry that we don't do a good job of getting folks OUT of therapy -- then they're forever stuck in this coercive loop where someone is baswically paid to be the person they call when they have a dispute with the police or whatever. (Unless you want to take an extremely liberal view of therapy and argue whoever is selling you the weed and not calling it in between pickups is your "therapist", but that's a bit much imho)

Pretty much every mental health issue I've had stems from folks who tend to move from city to city interacting with me differently than they would someone who was... "from here" when I was debating career paths and floundering in undergrad after a transfer.

The current trend seems to be CBT -- set some goals, and go in each week to talk about them.

I don't know what to do when my "goals" are things like "reoccuring income, and vendors who don't go out of business because they couldn't handle treating someone like a peer" and "a weed card, or take it recreational, it helps a lot".

(I've had a string of folks treat getting one like... a reward or something... to almost a bdsm-like degree -- when I've had a diagnosis of Asperger's or autistic spectrum disorder since the late 90s? I'm not even sure if I'll renew the card, I might travel for a year or two like I wanted to in 2016 and let them riot some more)

For context, just before COVID, I got out of a domestic violence sitution in the suburbs of my city, then got laid off.

The city I'm in had a riot outside the mayor's house, then got a new one, and apparently is currently staffing something called a "citizen's police review board"? I was at a bus stop yesterday trying to call my city councilor but there's no one currently in that office apparently? Same day, for the first time in ages, that bus (which comes only every 30 to 60) just blows on by me and the other person waiting for it.

Anyways sorry to ramble -- I'm unemployed, and it's Saturday, so I'm in a... creative spirit.

To put it short: I'd focus on getting exercise everyday OP -- then just... treat people like you'd want to be treated, and be mindful sometimes folks with have a "OK, I sold you your espresso or notebook or whatever, now go away so I can go on the internet to". Pick an errand. Go get a coffee or something. (And to do that you'll need to... take a shower, and put on clothes etc). And then just don't rush it.

Trust is earned and that takes time, rushing that or being algorithmic will weird people out.

(And be mindful people usually have a small number of actual friends -- those are CONNECTIONS on social media.)

Just want to echo this. If the issue, you suspect, is mostly about depression, just go to a Shrink. They're about as much as a Friday night at the bar, and they really do help out. Maybe try a few of them out and decide. But really, just do it.

Also, eat right, exercise, and sleep enough. I mean, duh. But it really does help a ton.

True.

But also consider there are a class of people who suffer through things thinking "This is not that bad, right? Is this a normal experience"?. And especially an issue if they're isolated (which commonly causes depression), they lack normalcy around them reinforcing "Yes its that bad! That is not normal and you need help!"

I would recommend the same, for myself and many of my friends and family who went through similar things and have similar symptoms. Unfortunately such therapy is market priced in my major US city at $400.00 an hour, and health insurance plans even in the top tier of coverage quality produce surprise bills constantly. There is a significant material barrier to every dimension of health in this country and we absolutely cannot make progress on outcomes until we destroy that barrier.

I have to heavily disagree with you because I don't want your post to dissuade anyone who may be considering looking for help from doing so. It is not an intractable problem. I have tried to get help, and received it with zero medication. The key is to see a therapist (PhD - talk therapy) not a psychiatrist (MD - prescribe drugs).

Weekly talk therapy + mindfulness + meditation worked extremely well for me, over the course of about 9 months, in terms of dealing with anxiety and depression. I don't feel "cured" but I feel way more in control than I did before, and I am no longer afraid of depression and anxiety, I've literally learned to cope.

As someone who is very comfortable with the fact that I was in therapy at one point, I really want to encourage everyone to try it, even if you are completely happy right now. Think of it as casually taking intro classes in learning to deal with the stress of life, and learning some basic emotional coping skills, not some way to fix yourself.

All that being said, there are people for whom I would guess drugs are preferable. I had that discussion with my therapist and we agreed they weren't for me. I can't speak for you, but I would highly suggest the multitude of non-drug opportunities for addressing mental health issues since it seems like the drugs aren't necessarily helping. Your doctor should be able to refer you to a talk therapist, but if not you should really consider switching doctors.

Finally, my contact information is in my profile, anyone who might have any questions about any of this or who is considering trying therapy, please feel free to contact me.

Doesn't it have to be debilitating though? I relate to a lot of those things, read some books, and nod along, etc., and even talked to a psychiatrist about it, but he was pretty dismissive about it.

Who is this "we" you think you speak for? You may be right about what people are supposed to do, but people, even professional therapists aren't perfect. It all depends on the individual therapist, how they interpret what they've been taught, what you say to them, and how worried they are that if they don't do something you may commit suicide, and how that will look on them.

Some are very self centered just as everyone else, simply wanting more and more patients to earn a paycheck, so they will drudge up whatever they can to make you feel miserable, and get you hooked on psych drugs, all to try and get you to keep seeing them.

> Please reach out to a professional & get help. You'll be shocked how much better you can feel in just a few months.

I'd say don't do this. I've tried several therapists, one for over a year, and each session inevitably became a bout of very depressing intense navel staring.

I felt a lot better after getting away from all the self-help crap and developed interest in things outside of myself.

One specific part of this is the difficulty of finding a therapist (in the US). I've had to go through that recently on behalf of a family member. It involves a lot of effort to find and contact providers, talking to strangers about personal things, having most of them reject your case, etc. This has been difficult enough even for me. The people who most need help - especially those with executive function or social anxiety issues - are also most likely to be defeated by the difficulty of getting it. That's a sick system. Schools and employers, who are often the sources of stress inducing or exacerbating mental health problems, could and should do a lot more to make the process easier.

This is easy with everyone, but seeing as you're the one paying for them to listen it seems a little weird to meta therapy like this. If you feel that need, just don't go.

> Sometimes I had the impression that I had to protect the therapist from the reality that some people have really, really, really shitty lives behind thei control and their thinking is not a cognitive distortion: it's the rational response to a disastrous situation.

Any therapist will explain to you that your environment and your behaviour (if they are as connected as you say) have to change together: The former because it is almost impossible to change yourself in an identical context, the latter because otherwise you will create the same environment in a new place.

From what you said, you had both bad therapists and did not want to participate in therapy. It's no wonder it doesn't work in that case, every good therapist will tell you this.