“On 12/15/98, at approximately 8:30 a.m., Mathis shot three victims in the head with a .45 caliber pistol at a known drug house in Fort Bend County, Texas. One of the victims, a 15-year-old Hispanic female survived the shooting, paralyzed from the chest down. Mathis reportedly turned the gun on two other intended victims, however, when he attempted to pull the trigger, the gun either misfired or had been jammed.”
“Yes, sir. I just want to say to all my supporters, family and friends; I love y'all and appreciate y'all. To the ones representing me today, thank you for everything. The system has failed me. This is a miscarriage of justice. There are people on death row that need help. I love my family. I love you too, Mom. I am alright. I asked the Lord to have mercy on me and I hope He has mercy on these people carrying out this mass slaughter. They have no respect for humanity. To Melanie, I never meant to hurt you. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am not asking for your forgiveness. All I have to worry about is God forgiving me. I hope you get better and for the doctors to continue to take care of you. Take care of my mother for me. To everybody, know that I love you and I am OK. Lord, have mercy on my soul. Lord, have mercy on my soul. Lord, have mercy on these peoples' soul. Life is not supposed to end this way. No more pain and frustration. When I knock at the gates, they will open up and let me in. To my mom and everybody, I love you. I can feel it right now. My life, my life.”
Interesting seeing the visualization someone else linked that “love” was the most common word.
This person used the word love 4 times, while simultaneously denying his responsibility and saying that it’s the rest of the world that’s bad.
> The act I committed to put me here was not just heinous, it was senseless. But the person that committed that act is no longer here - I am. I'm not going to struggle physically against any restraints. I'm not going to shout, use profanity or make idle threats. Understand though that I'm not only upset, but I'm saddened by what is happening here tonight. I'm not only saddened, but disappointed that a system that is supposed to protect and uphold what is just and right can be so much like me when I made the same shameful mistake. If someone tried to dispose of everyone here for participating in this killing, I'd scream a resounding, "No." I'd tell them to give them all the gift that they would not give me...and that's to give them all a second chance. I'm sorry that I am here. I'm sorry that you're all here. I'm sorry that John Luttig died. And I'm sorry that it was something in me that caused all of this to happen to begin with. Tonight we tell the world that there are no second chances in the eyes of justice...Tonight, we tell our children that in some instances, in some cases, killing is right. This conflict hurts us all, there are no SIDES. The people who support this proceeding think this is justice. The people that think that I should live think that is justice. As difficult as it may seem, this is a clash of ideals, with both parties committed to what they feel is right. But who's wrong if in the end we're all victims? In my heart, I have to believe that there is a peaceful compromise to our ideals. I don't mind if there are none for me, as long as there are for those who are yet to come. There are a lot of men like me on death row - good men - who fell to the same misguided emotions, but may not have recovered as I have. Give those men a chance to do what's right. Give them a chance to undo their wrongs. A lot of them want to fix the mess they started, but don't know how. The problem is not in that people aren't willing to help them find out, but in the system telling them it won't matter anyway. No one wins tonight. No one gets closure. No one walks away victorious.
Funnily enough, studies of families of murder victims where the murdered was sentenced to death show that they tend to disagree with you.
It "satisfies" for some very brief moment, but the loss is still there, and it doesn't make anyone's life better. It doesn't improve anything for anyone.
I'm reminded of American History X. A character is raging against everyone and anyone he has perceived has hurt him, his family, his home, his country. Immigrants, POC, whatever. He has responded with hate crimes, destroying grocery stores, forming groups of likeminded (or white) people.
His efforts end him in jail, and he's still raging.
And then a teacher asks him, says: "There was a moment, when I used to blame everything and everyone for all the pain and suffering and vile things that happened to me, that I saw happen to my people. Used to blame everybody. Blamed White people, blamed society, blamed God. I didn't get no answers 'cause I was asking the wrong questions. You have to ask the right questions."
Like what?
"Have any of the things you've done made your life better?"
They give voice to anger, rage, revenge (that's honestly a more honest word, in your case - you don't just want them punished, you want revenge on them). But none of those feelings improves anything.
> I'm interested in what you actually tell the victims, because I'm confident you apologize and console them and say that was bad while fully acknowledging your God knew that would happen before he even created mankind.
I tell them I love them because God loves me. I pray for them. And I be there for them as well as an imperfect human can be. And I tell them I do it because God loved me first.
If we're all random atoms, that's a huge waste of time though.
> She says both they and the law enforcement community have made the case that Ethan would still be alive if he had just followed instructions.
Statements like this are so sad to read because of the sheer lack of empathy it demonstrates. It’s pure victim blaming and the implication is that someone deserves to die for essentially making a mistake, or not even being aware of it.
What does it say that this is both accepted and also that those involved (the police) have literally zero patience for people who can’t read their minds?
Why is it okay that you get an expedited death penalty for something as minor as not following instructions? These self-same people would be begging for leniency in that same situation.
> I would never forgive me if one day another child gets killed and I could have avoided the tragedy if I choose to fight.
Sounds like you already know what you want to do. If you need help, please see a professional therapist. It isn't weakness, it isn't for other people, it isn't weird. You've had some serious trauma. Your lawyer makes a bad therapist. Court systems make for bad therapy. HN comments will never be the answer to something so deeply personal.
> How many aggrieved ex-spouses, neighbors, and coworkers would turn to violence to solve their problems?
This isn't the real problem, most people aren't murderous, they're kind. The problem isn't retaliation against mundane grievance, which is taken up by people with no sense of proportion and consequence anyway, but the response to crime.
If a hit-and-run drunk driver runs over my child, and the legal system refuses to punish them, I (and most people) are going to take on that punishment as my responsibility. I may not carry it out, but if I don't I'll take the guilt for not punishing that drunk driver to my grave. There's a ton of pressure on me to hurt that person. After I do, their loved ones may retaliate against me in the same way. If I fail and I'm killed myself, that raises the level of grievance among my family and friends. Even people on the sidelines have to become involved.
> If you don't believe in evil (I don't) that not only means he isn't evil but that he also didn't murder his ex because he was evil. So there must still be something to him 15 years ago that made him plan to and murder his ex, hide the body, use elaborate lies to deny his actions and then only admit to it when offered a deal to disclose the location of the body to allow the victim's grieving family to bury her.
For sure, there were reasons. We just don't know them.
> but you can't argue that means he should be treated as redeemed or released early.
I'm not. Was just saying people deserve another chance.
> This story is extremely sad, but now seems to be heading towards a happy ending.
Two lives (plus unknown others that they touched on) destroyed, and 20+ years later getting set free - with no acknowledgement of anything wrong with doing that to them in the first place - that fixes everything. /s
Kindly do yourself a favor and re-read Zeller's last words in its entirety. While yes, his attacker's actions are utterly despicable, and the experience in no doubt has been more traumatizing to him than we could imagine. At the same time, Zeller also goes into great details about how nobody has really been able to support and help him recover from that trauma.
On his relationships, he discusses how he was never really able to open up to his significant others about what he was going through: "So I watched as things fell apart between us. I had put an explicit time limit on our relationship, since I knew it couldn't last because of the darkness and didn't want to hold her back, and this caused a variety of problems. She was put in an unnatural situation that she never should have been a part of. It must have been very hard for her, not knowing what was actually going on with me, but this is not something I've ever been able to talk about with anyone."
On the doctors he has seen: "I've seen a number of doctors since I was a teenager to talk about other issues and I'm positive that another doctor would not have helped. I was never given one piece of actionable advice, ever. More than a few spent a large part of the session reading their notes to remember who I was."
On his family: "I'd also like to address my family, if you can call them that. I despise everything they stand for and I truly hate them, in a non-emotional, dispassionate and what I believe is a healthy way. The world will be a better place when they're dead—one with less hatred and intolerance.
If you're unfamiliar with the situation, my parents are fundamentalist Christians who kicked me out of their house and cut me off financially when I was 19 because I refused to attend seven hours of church a week."
"I grew up in a house where love was proxied through a God I could never believe in. A house where the love of music with any sort of a beat was literally beaten out of me."
And there's plenty more. The vast struggles that Zeller faced and described are not inconsistent with the points that @DoreenMichele is discussing.
> I am sitting here as I write this looking at my wife and cant for the life of me fathom doing such a ghastly act to her or even a woman that I don't know.
Not trying to 1-up you but I can't imagine how anyone could do this to anyone.
>Many of us suffer with social skills but we don't murder people for it.
And what should he do? Just go die? He apologized, he went to jail and is serving out his sentence, he worked on becoming a better person, what are you expecting him to do after the event?
“Yes, sir. I just want to say to all my supporters, family and friends; I love y'all and appreciate y'all. To the ones representing me today, thank you for everything. The system has failed me. This is a miscarriage of justice. There are people on death row that need help. I love my family. I love you too, Mom. I am alright. I asked the Lord to have mercy on me and I hope He has mercy on these people carrying out this mass slaughter. They have no respect for humanity. To Melanie, I never meant to hurt you. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am not asking for your forgiveness. All I have to worry about is God forgiving me. I hope you get better and for the doctors to continue to take care of you. Take care of my mother for me. To everybody, know that I love you and I am OK. Lord, have mercy on my soul. Lord, have mercy on my soul. Lord, have mercy on these peoples' soul. Life is not supposed to end this way. No more pain and frustration. When I knock at the gates, they will open up and let me in. To my mom and everybody, I love you. I can feel it right now. My life, my life.”
Interesting seeing the visualization someone else linked that “love” was the most common word.
This person used the word love 4 times, while simultaneously denying his responsibility and saying that it’s the rest of the world that’s bad.
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