I agree an occasional drink with friends is fun, and different from abusing alcohol to escape negative emotions.
However, I think your description of external circumstances to argue that you are happy is concerning to me. People are good at ignoring negative things and deluding themselves, and happiness is mostly an internal thing and can't be measured by external success. I don't know you, but people with low self esteem in a narcissist/co-dependent marriage, with "tons of hobbies" to help them escape would still say exactly what you are saying.
No, you're overthinking it. I'm perfectly happy when I'm sober - I have a nice house, a great relationship, a happy family and tons of hobbies. I am in no way crippled by fear, social anxiety or trauma.
Drinking with my friends makes me happy in different ways. Alcohol doesn't lose its appeal just because I'm happy while I'm sober.
What people experience as positive does not need to be that. Using alcohol to not/postpone/avoid solving an underlying problem for unhappiness would be an example.
Maybe it can have a positive affect on your mental health, in moderation?
Sharing a bottle of wine or champagne with my wife can be one of the most enjoyable experiences to us.. going out to the pub having some beer with family & friends is great.
An argument could be "you can have just as much fun doing something else", but I don't know.. that's not really my experience. A moderate amount of drinking usually makes things even more fun.
Well, you did say, "Like with most things it's easy to slide down a slippery slope. One glass of wine turns into two and then you've polished off the rest of the bottle," as if you automatically assume others can't control their drinking.
As for the "confidence/happiness" that drinking brings, I wonder if you're not projecting again. Personally, drinking doesn't make me any more confident. It doesn't make me happy in and of itself, though it can help to reduce stress. And there you're talking about "needing the alcohol," as if appreciating the effects of something is "needing" it...
And social benefits can have massive physical repercussions. Happiness breeds healthiness, loneliness the opposite.
Of course I'm not implying that alcohol is in any way healthy, but it's probably healthier to have great drunk moments with your friends once in a while than it is to be lonely and not drink. It's important to note that you certainly can be social without alcohol though.
Drinking -- at least for me -- has never about joy or being happy. The only happiness I really get from a drink is enjoying a new, novel flavor, not dissimilar from the joy of tasting a new food.
For me the main reason I drink is to medicate my anxiety. My anxiety is both a blessing and a curse. It motivates me to work harder, but at the same time causes me to fear social interaction. With alcohol I can temporarily tolerate being in close quarters with people I'm loosely associated with, such as acquittances, family and colleagues. But for me it's a medication primarily, not something to get "high" off of. I am certainly not the only one who drinks in order to maintain the appearance of some semblance of a normal life.
Then you shouldn't drink any, being as it's a drug that makes you (general you) happier and more social, and that's one of the primary reasons it's consumed.
Possibly you are confusing momentary happiness/qualitative enjoyment of a given experience with overall life happiness/mental state?
I have tremendous enjoyment in my life without drinking. Running, hiking, biking, cooking, movies, road trips, museums, concerts, new restaurants, etc…
There are also enjoyable things that involve drinking too, but _needing_ a drink to enjoy oneself seems a bit hyperbolic for the average adult, no?
I think SO many people overlook this very fact. Most people don't need alcohol to have a good time however it's called a "social lubricant" for a reason.
Sometimes people just need a tiny push to become less self conscious or less introverted. Life is short. You can spend years trying to be healthy and perfect but you need to ask yourself whether you're happy while doing that. If the answer is "Yes" then great. If it's "No" then you should reevaluate your path.
Depends on what your definition of "enjoying your life" is. And then certain habits such as binge drinking are largely promoted as enjoyable via peer pressure/peer brainwashing. I mean, we have only so much sensitivity to alcohol, and so many GABA receptors to saturate, it's not like people would want to drink as much if they were on their own. And, in the end, a hedonistically-driven life is only superficially rewarding. It also shows lack of goals, focus, potential for impact.
While of course his 'main idea' is solid; you don't need drugs (alcohol being a particularly addictive and unhealthy one) to have a good time, but saying that he never had “Wow, I’m so glad I did that thing I did last night. It’s significantly improved my life.“ => that's crap, at least, I am not him, but I have had that, so did all my friends. Of course you don't wake up and think 'it's significantly improved my life' (who thinks that??), but certainly 'i am so glad i did that last night'.
When forced to think about that, then yes, it significantly improved my life; I met great friends and girlfriends (which I wouldn't have met in such short period otherwise and at the time that mattered to me), had conversations with friends which were far more honest than we would've had without drink.
One case for instance I was at a very boring party, everyone was ready to go home at 10pm. I was together with my gf and we decided to drink some cocktails and go home too. After feeling a nice buzz, we started dancing alone on the big dance floor with almost no-one around (and surely no-one dancing). Another couple joined in a bit later, we started talking and that guy is now my best friend. This is over a decade ago. This would not have happened if both couples didn't drink; we would've gone home. I know there are people who can 'do this' without alcohol and now my wife and me can too, but back then it was just 'boring party, waste of time, bye' when sober. And I wouldn't like to have missed that for the world; there is almost no chance I would've met him otherwise (I know that in hindsight).
Thanks for writing this. I've felt the same way for pretty much my whole life, and I'm glad there are other people who feel the same way. It's a much better investment in yourself to be comfortable being your best, most uninhibited self, without sacrificing mental clarity.
That said, I did hear one argument from a friend once that made me understand drinking a little more. When you drink heavily with a friend, you're in effect saying that you trust that person enough to see you without full control of yourself. It's a more intimate interaction as a result. I half buy that, though I still avoid alcohol.
The most important thing to remember about all this is that there really isn't any judgement involved. When I'm hanging out with people, I want them to be fun and uninhibited. If that requires alcohol, that's fine. It's a personal choice to increase my own happiness, not a judgement of anyone else.
Drinking isn't just random habit driven by environmental pressure to drink, it's a chemical way to relax.
Congratulations if you can not drink, and your work day or week doesn't leave you a little on edge, or if it does that you have the emotional regulation to reduce it. I'm impressed by the 'I don't understand the joy in it' viewpoint. Not impressed, jealous, is a more accurate way to describe it. No, meditation doesn't do it for me. And quite frankly I'm more than happy to drink alone as I am to go to a bar and talk to people.
Alcohol is borrowing happiness today from tomorrow. If you self-medicate with alcohol it will be worse in the longterm. Don't fall down that rabbit hole.
I think you’re engaging in the exact sort of binary thinking that is the problem.
I’m saying: many people have enjoyed the effects of socializing and drinking alcohol for thousands of years. Perhaps we shouldn’t be so quick to demonize it since it seems to have demonstrated its utility.
You somehow read that as: “I need alcohol to have fun”.
However, I think your description of external circumstances to argue that you are happy is concerning to me. People are good at ignoring negative things and deluding themselves, and happiness is mostly an internal thing and can't be measured by external success. I don't know you, but people with low self esteem in a narcissist/co-dependent marriage, with "tons of hobbies" to help them escape would still say exactly what you are saying.
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