You know the most common thing you hear busy people in their 40s and 50s say when their kids reach a certain age? "I wish I'd spent more time with my children".
Easier != better.
Sometimes I pity myself for I’m currently not able to spend an adequate amount of time with our only child. Until a couple years ago we used to go play in a playground on a daily basis and this helped us properly bond with our child. Even my child’s academic performance was better back then. Now that we are less outdoorsy thanks to being too busy to have fun, we have become weary of our monotony. It is my experiential learning: the less time we spend together, the more we lose in terms of our family bonding.
Why is the question about being more productive? Yes, family time especially is important to me. I only get to spend 18 years or so with each kid; enjoying them, giving them love, and guiding them through/preparing them for life. I want to prioritize that.
Some day, I'll give anything for the chance to have more time with them. Trying to keep that in mind while they are young.
I feel ya. I have 5 kids. I love them all, but there is only so much time in a day. I believe the key to make the effort to have one-on-one time, be there when they really need you, and support their growth/development with active planning. I also believe strongly in the term 'benign neglect'. It's not my job to keep them entertained every waking minute. They need to explore, be bored, use their imaginations, read books, etc. We have nightly scripture study, weekly in-house movie night with pizza and/or popcorn, a monthly go-out-to-eat dinner (with lessons in manners constantly reiterated) , and an annual trip to the beach. Life is good!
I've found it a hell of a lot harder to actually enjoy time with my kids since we went past one. It's frustrating because I'm not getting alone-time or doing exactly what I want to, as one without any kids might, but I'm also not getting to deeply, mindfully enjoy a very high percentage of time spent with my kids, as I could so easily when we just had one. All it took then was an occasional gentle reminder to myself to stay present. Now... man, it'd take some next-level Zen shit to achieve that with three kids on any kind of regular basis. Even two was a pretty big hit to that kind of quality time. It's achievable with some planning and luck now, basically, when it was just natural and almost constant before.
For me, I think that frustration's the source of my "oh god just drop me on a deserted island with some books and leave me" fantasies. I'd rather be around my kids and enjoying high-quality parent-kid time because it actually is pretty great, but that's so rarely and unpredictably available that the loner route becomes more appealing.
This might sound stupid but as a parent, we think a lot about our kids and if you ask me to talk about them, I'm going to talk for hours. For that reason I try to avoid it unless prompted, and I don't recommend children unless prompted.
That being said, I wouldn't feel anywhere this fulfilled if I didn't have children, I haven't regretted having them. I would have probably gone up to 4 if society did not make it this hard (economically speaking but many things become annoying too).
There is so much free time without children, no doubt. Doing nothing on the weekend is a pleasure I can only enjoy in small chunks, since I usually must do something for them.
I have 3 kids, all 4 and under. Exact same situation and I feel that exact same feeling. It's rare my spouse and I to find free time for hobbies. I find myself with a drive to work on things or learn that I never had before I had kids, but hardly anytime to do any of it.
I'm in a fortunate situation of having both my parents and my in-laws so close and that my kids love to have sleep overs with them. Those seem to be the only times where I have a decent amount of time to dive into something, but even then, there are still up-keep responsibilities and a desire to just rest during those times that causes that window of time to disappear faster than I'd like.
I don't have any advice to offer but just an answer to the question on if anyone else is in the situation you described. Just know you're not alone :)
Don't you guys have families over there? How do you raise your children if you enjoy those crazy hours? Even 40 is too much, I actually want to see, enjoy and teach my children while they grow up. Time goes by incredibly fast.
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