It's not great, but it could be good. Replace "jettison" and cut the cliched "All of this blew me away" and the resulting paragraph is descriptive and fairly tight.
Thanks for that feedback. I'm having to do a lot more writing for my job now so being able to improve my writing with honest feedback is super important.
I agree, I even cringed a little bit when I wrote it. But I didn't want to fully give everything away so it was just a bad edit :) Your suggestion would work a lot better.
Ah, thanks for that feedback. Would you like to try your hand of writing a better summary here? It would be appreciated, as it's hard to improve from just a single word criticism (cringe).
While I'm sure that you've put a lot of work into it and that it might be a good read for the right audience, the key to getting people's attention is having a good headline. People demand a good, concise and descriptive headline these days.
The headline for this submission could definitely use some improvements.
Hi! Yeah I agree that it could’ve been better. Thank you for your feedback, I’m going to try to improve on my writing. And yes, I’m a teenager, so I’m not insulted by that. Thank you for the feedback, I’m going to work on getting better at writing. Thanks for reading and your feedback helps a lot!
Re-reading it this morning, I would tend to agree, it's slightly terse and could have done with some more backstory. I'll take this feedback onboard for my next article!
I am new to this style so I am still playing around and seeing what sticks. I do really appreciate your comment!
thanks for that, will move up the revisions! You are right on that, I just started writing and I've never been a good one so this is one good way to start off. I thank you for the honest opinion
I appreciate the compliment, I've spent many weekends on this. There is plenty of room for improvement, so please email me at joe@compellingsciencefiction.com if you have suggestions!
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