I recently noticed that I lost my imagination while reading books. Feeling strange about it.
I remember in my childhood, while reading a book, I was able to imagine what the book is talking about, not only while reading stories, but also math/physics books. I imagined quickly while reading, how things fall, how they're accelerating and how they bump to the earth and go up again.
While reading an article today, I was stuck with strange feeling, why I am not seeing that objects in my head again? article was talking about master branch, feature branches and commits, somehow no visual image is appearing in my brain which I used to remember things, now I am really worried.
The term to search for is aphantasia[0], although as far as I understand that refers to people who are born without mental imagery (as opposed to your case, where you had it and then lost it)
A quick search turns up "Charcot–Wilbrand syndrome"[1]:
a patient loses the power to conjure up visual images or memories, and furthermore, ceases to dream during his sleeping hours
but it seems to be related to patients with some kind of brain damage.
Personally, my ability to visualize is heavily affected by my habits, particularly sleep, diet and exercise. Have you had any lifestyle changes recently that might explain changes in your cognitive performance?
For at least a year I am not seeing a dream, I thought this is because I am too tired and sleep goes like a 1 second, I go to sleep and wake up. Don't feel anything what happened in between.
> Have you had any lifestyle changes recently that might explain changes in your cognitive performance?
This habit started around 5 years ago, I am always in a hurry. not feeling what is happening around, not living the moment and doing everything in a hurry.
As a result, multiple times I became "rockstar, most impactful, fastest, 10x", but now I am looking back and feeling like everything I learned is 5 years ago and I driving only with that knowledge, no new knowledge, just using old knowledge, only difference is always in a hurry. Sometimes expectations are becoming high after my performance and I am more in a hurry to outperform myself and working overtime
There is evidence that chronic (long-term) stress is pretty unhealthy for body and mind. It could be that the fast-paced last 5 years is finally catching up to you.
I would read the rest of the thread for ideas, but also consider talking with a therapist: having a trained medical professional giving you their perspective can be invaluable and save you lots of bashing your head against the wall (believe me, I would know)
Chronic stress can cause a burnout. A real, full blown burnout is terrible, you literally loose interest for the life, everything becomes unimportant, to say the least. I’ve been there.
The thing that helped me the most turned out to be having a regular calls with other founders (my peers). We talked about burnout, asked questions to each other. It was like a group therapy but without a therapist.
I tried having the same calls with people with other backgrounds but it wasn’t really valuable, so I’d suggest you find 3-5 peers and setup a weekly call where your goal will be to slow down, become more mindful and talk about how’s everyone doing, what’s working or not on those calls.
Heh, left my job recently because of exactly the same. Unlocked few psychiatric achievements on the way. Hurry equals anxiety, anxiety equals lack of attention. Say no to this bullshit for your own sake, even if it’s unrelated to subj.
Not a doctor, but I think you may be experiencing a form of burnout. You should have a chat with your doctor about this, because it's not necessarily ever going to resolve in its own. You may possibly need to take an extended break from everything. For example, a friend who encountered a similar state only got resolution doing multi-month thru-hiking. I hope you feel better soon.
Does your mind wander elsewhere? May be stress or creeping thoughts. Does it feel like watching a movie, but recalling “situations” instead of following the plot right before your eyes? I’d also try again right after exercise, dishes, shower or walk. These can reset the train of thought due to concentration on physical activity and a different environment.
somehow I got scared after reading this. I have very similar experiences described in the article, I start doing things and forget along the way. To remember what I wanted to accomplish, I rewind things, like imagining that I just came to my desk and opened a laptop, then imitate typing, opening last tab and so on
This also sounds like ADHD to me, not disassociation, but I could be wrong. See my other replies.
Also don't freak yourself out, reading a bunch of stuff on the web! It's easy to give oneself an anxiety attack trying to figure out things like this yourself. Instead write down your symptoms and see a doctor (first), psychologist, or psychiatrist.
When I was building my pervious startup I got so burned out that it almost ruined my family. I found a solution: talking with peers about your issues, a bunch of people who can understand what you’re going through and rigorous group accountability for things like rest, schedule, workload and other things that can get you out of that state.
I started Clique so more people can find peer support groups fast. It’s free during beta (and you can reach out to me to keep it free for you if you need it).
We are not publicly launched yet, but we already run the group calls.
I typically can no longer dream or even day-dream. This is in stark contrast to as a kid where I was pretty much always day dreaming. For me it is how busy and mentally taxing my job is. I was between jobs years ago and I was able to day dream again and dream at night and enjoy books and games that require a level of immersion. I am back to no longer being able to day dream or dream at night.
I also think smart phones Make it harder when any lingering question that comes to mind can be answered instantly.
Stop working so much and find an identity greater than your job. You will learn to recognize a job for what it is: a trade between brain space, time, and money. If you can reduce the time but not the brain space you will not likely improve much. If you can reduce both the time and the brain space, you will.
This isn’t directly related, but I stopped having dreams in my 20’s. I’ve only had a dozen in the past 20 years. I can still conjure up images of things and daydream but I don’t dream at night.
Sounds like burnout to me… I’ve gone through similar issues recently. Just beginning to feel myself again. Eliminate all sources of stress and see a Dr. They can help you get the care you need.
I had a vivid imagination as a kid, lost it in my 20s, and regained it in my 30s. After decades of schooling, reading had beed reduced to a mechanical necessity.
It took some work and intention to slow down and learn to actually imagine the world that the author is laying out for us. But like any other learned habit it becomes easier and eventually not noticed with practice.
Finding engrossing fiction (in my case, science fiction) helped me break through. Given your references to visualizing physics, you might enjoy the first book or two of the Three Body Trilogy.
FYI, Burnout is not well-defined: "with symptoms characterized by 'feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion; increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one's job; and reduced professional efficacy'" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occupational_burnout)
... So, while you may well be burned out, aphantasia is not a symptom of burnout.
"While burnout may influence health and can be a reason for people contacting health services, it is not itself classified by the WHO as a medical condition or mental disorder." -- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occupational_burnout
The entire concept of burnout and "mental health" is ill-defined. How do you know the difference between working on a hard problem or a burnout? I get exhausted after working all day on a hard problem. Also, are there any quantifiable tests you can perform to see if someone isn't just lying about a burnout?
> feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion
Feelings are subjective and what may feel like exhaustion to person X may be a piece of cake for person Y.
I am curious, why aren't we more critical about this mental health movement and at least demand that we have a real diagnosis/quantitative take on it? It's just so unsettlingly strange.
If it is like what this person experiences I can imagine you are quite worried. I’m not sure what is going on for you but there are definitely some people who can’t picture things who share the same issue you describe. You are still you. Even without imagery you can still do well and flourish.
Feel free to reach out at my name at gmail if it helps to talk.
Also, see a doctor and explain your imagery is different. It’s possible something has changed in your brain or with your health that might be treatable.
In one of your responses you mention also not dreaming when sleeping anymore.
I'd start with checking two things:
1. Are you getting healthy amounts of REM sleep? Suffering from sleep apnea perhaps? If you're not getting healthy amounts of REM sleep every night, it can cause significant neurological problems long-term.
2. Have your B12 levels checked. Lots of people are deficient, and our ability to acquire it from dietary sources diminishes with age. I've used sublingual methylcobalamin oral supplements off-and-on and they have a noticeable cerebral effect, and seems to cause more vivid and consistent dreams w/recall. The methylated form seems more effective in my experience FWIW, cyanocobalamin didn't seem to do anything.
Stop watching movies (including YouTube videos) and looking at images online. Do this for an extended period of time and you will begin to slowly regain your ability to imagine visuals.
This is normal issues with developers i think. Even if most developers don't recognize it.
For example, the GoF design patterns to me could be a factor for brain damage issues. (You're swimming in tons of patterns, but you've lost in connection of those patterns, how to apply it in real world problems)
Or the DDD book (Blue book) could be a brain damage book. (I found the author is a genius on writing non-sense things, mostly abstract but useless in real world for hundred of pages !, he should write about Functional programming concepts instead)
How to cure ? Stick to FP, never do OOP again.
Also avoid over-engineering in most case. Keep things simple.
It's not uncommon to experience changes in our ability to imagine things vividly as we grow older, especially if we don't actively practice using our imagination. However, if you feel like this loss of imagination is impacting your ability to learn and retain information, it might be worth exploring ways to improve your visualization skills.
One approach is to try to engage your senses as much as possible while reading or learning. For example, you might try to create mental images of what you're reading or use metaphors to help you understand abstract concepts. Another approach is to practice visualization exercises, such as trying to recall details from a recent event or imagining a specific scenario in detail.
It's also important to keep in mind that everyone's learning style is different, and some people may rely more on visual cues than others. If you find that you're struggling to learn or remember information, there may be other strategies that work better for you, such as taking notes or discussing the material with others.
Ultimately, if you're concerned about your ability to learn and retain information, it's worth speaking with a healthcare professional or educational specialist who can help you identify potential underlying causes and provide guidance on how to improve your learning and retention skills.
After a lot of running around taking to doctors and getting tested, a psychiatrist nailed it down as being chronic anxiety leading to executive function shutdown, medicated me for a few weeks, and sent me to therapy.
This helped a lot. I also improved my life in general and it's slowly coming back, though I still need to be on vacation for a few weeks to be whole.
Tl;Dr: anxiety and burnout. Fix your life and get therapy. You can't run from stress, but you can reframe it productively and that turns it from bad stress to good stress. Might need a change of manager.
I remember in my childhood, while reading a book, I was able to imagine what the book is talking about, not only while reading stories, but also math/physics books. I imagined quickly while reading, how things fall, how they're accelerating and how they bump to the earth and go up again.
While reading an article today, I was stuck with strange feeling, why I am not seeing that objects in my head again? article was talking about master branch, feature branches and commits, somehow no visual image is appearing in my brain which I used to remember things, now I am really worried.
What to do? What is this syndrome or issue is?