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mibbitier | karma 922 | avg karma 2.66 · 2012-05-29 21:07:47+00:00

> "And marriage can only be good if the parents know and acknowledge that they together go first, kids come second. Period."

That's a terribly sad outlook. Your children are extensions of yourself. They should come first forever. They're not pets that you just take in and look after. They're your babies...

I don't know if you have kids or not, maybe you don't have very strong parental feelings :/

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snowwrestler | karma 28901 | avg karma 3.63 · 2012-05-29 22:29:04+00:00

I think the GP means things like it's ok to leave a 4 year old throwing a temper tantrum with a baby sitter while heading out for date night. Doing such a thing won't hurt the kid at all, but will do wonders for maintaining a healthy happy marriage.

Having parents who are burnt out, resentful martyrs does not help a kid.

NOTE: This does not mean it is ok to abandon a child to the wolves, and it's not meant to justify mistreatment of special needs children. If a child has special needs, it will obviously place a much higher burden on the parents.

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jasonlotito | karma 7861 | avg karma 1.69 · 2012-05-29 18:40:28

> I think the GP means things like it's ok to leave a 4 year old throwing a temper tantrum with a baby sitter while heading out for date night.

There isn't anything about that that I disagree with, nor is there anything about that that suggests you are putting your children second.

Indeed, quite the opposite, in fact.

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mibbitier | karma 922 | avg karma 2.66 · 2012-05-30 05:27:20+00:00

> "Having parents who are burnt out, resentful martyrs does not help a kid."

Completely agree. But that as you say is not putting the kids first.

Putting the kids first means that you will leave them to throw tantrums when you need to, or leave them with someone else so they develop in that way.

Giving kids what they want != putting them first.

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