I experience the opposite. I have the Irish name 'Cathal' which isn't very well known outside of Ireland. I've spent the past year in the US and every time I'm introducing myself to someone I hesitate and mentally prepare for the 'wait what?' after I tell them my name.
It's common here for restaurants and cafes to ask for your name when ordering, and often I'll make up a more common name for myself to avoid the hassle spelling out and explaining 'Cathal' to the cashier.
Having a unique name does however create an interesting talking point when talking to a new person, and it seamlessly opens up a discussion about my background and origins after introducing myself.
One thing I've always wondered is how much if any awareness expats have of western last names. For instance, not to imply names matter, but the most famous person who shares my last name was a boxer. Great man, but he wasn't famous for being an Isaac Newton. So I'd hope no one would look at my name and think, oh she must be the kind of person who's really good at using her body rather than her brain. My experience with American culture is we only really focus on the positive aspects of names. Like if you're having a conversation with a Vanderbilt or a Rothschild it's hard to not notice that, but there's really not much awareness in terms of negative associations with names, since everyone deserves a shot, and since everyone's looking for their shot, it's the folks with prolific names who'd be more likely to conceal them.
As I mention above, I'm not so obtuse as to have a negative reaction to someone making an effort to say my name as I introduce myself, because of a non-native sound.
Different alphabets do introduce unique challenges, but across all languages using the same Roman alphabet, it's spelled D-A-V-E. (Or D-A-V-I-D if you insist.)
But then, I've never had anyone in any culture besides my high school language teacher tell me my name was something different.
I have the same experience from just the facts but a totally different feeling about it. I love my fairly unique first name, Barrett, and when I give my name for restaurants or cafes I usually go with something super generic or fun, often just Bob or Barry.
Cathal, if I am pronouncing it right in my head, just sounds cool to me. I have the worst time with hearing and understanding the non-romantic language names though.
If you want to have fun come up with two words that when said together sound like or spell your name. Cathal, spelled cat-HAL. For the sounds I usually tell people my name is Barrett, as in grin and "bear it".
People obsess too much about telling the world how unique they are. I think that uniqueness only really counts when something stands behind it and does not work as a thing in itself. That's why having a relatively uncommon foreign name is a conversation starter - it signifies a difference in background, upbringing, experiences. At the same time a unique name chosen by the parents for the sole purpose of being different does not carry much with it, does it now? "Oh, your name is SpecialSnowflake2005 because you parents wanted to give you a uniquely identifiable name? That's nice I guess."
even in my country of origin most people are not sure how my (very regional) name is written or pronounced. living abroad, people are flumoxed my name is so weird
Yup. I'm not from US. And also my name is uncommon too. Even in my country. You know what, I didn't see enyone who has my name so far. I think I have a pretty unique name..!
I feel the same way. I avoid the problem by pronouncing my (Dutch) name the way an American would pronounce it when introducing myself. (If there happen to be other Dutch people present, they'll figure it out, as it's a common name)
To add some color to this, if it's a common name it's really hard to remember but if it's a foreign name to me or something I've never heard of, it's as if my brain thinks it's a random sequence of sounds and I'll remember it forever. Indian names, native Hawaiian names, no problem, but forget about it if your name is George. It's just the common names I'm used to that I have a hard time with.
AFAIK it might be more common than you think. I have a female friend who's firstname is Fanny and another one who's lastname is Cocq. They both expect a few laugh when they introduce themselves in english speaking countries.
Some people take this idea to heart a bit too much. Barely anyone can pronounce my name properly and I really don't bat an eye at it. It's not pragmatic to expect most people to do so, especially in a place like the US where so many people come from different backgrounds. And that's nothing to say about the fact that the same name, written the same way, can be pronounced very differently depending on the bearer's background. At last, it seems to me that the people who care the most about this issue are monolingual.
It's one thing to do a quick effort at it; you can ask "how do you say your name" real quick and let it go after a try. Or just try to catch how I'll introduce myself, and say it the same way.
On the other hand, some folks get hung up on pronouncing my name "properly" and get very annoying about it: "no no no I reaaally want to say your name properly, it's important _for me_". In a 30min meeting, I don't feel like spending 5 minutes giving a useless French pronunciation class for something so pointless. I much prefer hearing my name pronounced wrong by mistake, than wasting time in a useless woke-posturing session with someone using my time to teach them how to make sounds their mouth hasn't been trained to make, supposedly out of respect for my foreignness.
This was also my immediate thought. Naming is hard. Globally unique names that actually convey something about what you do, are recognizable, and sound pleasant to speakers of most languages seems even harder.
I'm used to it now but when I first encountered the practice of food service staff asking for my name, I did find it very strange and not a little uncomfortable (it felt like an invasion of my privacy). It also has some serious downsides for foreigners/tourists/immigrants who:
(1) may not speak English (analogous scenario: imagine going to a Starbucks in Japan and having the cashier repeatedly ask for your name in Japanese, and you don't speak Japanese);
(2) have names that aren't easily pronounced/spelled in English ("Name?" "Zbigniew" "How do you spell that?" "Zed bee eye gee...." "Wait, what's zed?" "Last letter of alphabet" "Oh you mean zee" "No, zed");
(3) feel embarrassed about the whole interaction, which leads to them inventing a fake name, which in turn makes them feel dirty. (Zbigniew gives his name as "Zach" to the Starbucks employee although he has never used this name in his life -- it's not the name his parents gave him)
(4) then has said name confused with 3 other Zachs also waiting for their tall lattes.
It's almost like someone forgot to think through the UI/UX of this system with respect to internationalization.
I have a somewhat unusual name for Anglosphere. Some people have trouble pronouncing it. When that happens, I don't attack them in a fit of rage, I either correct them or most frequently just ignore it. Sometimes - e.g. Starbucks and so on - I use English version of the name that I never use otherwise but that sounds close enough so I know they are calling me. I don't try to organize boycott of Starbucks and demand the state to make a law that under penalty of firing on the spot they have to pronounce my name absolutely correctly and with the right accent. I don't demand from people who don't know me to instantly know my name and never be confused about how to pronounce it - in fact, some of my friends sometimes mispronounce it and I don't have trouble with it because I know their language background makes it harder for them to express the right combination of sounds that the correct pronunciation in my native language requires. I don't demand venues to make rules that require everybody to learn my name and how to pronounce it and fire anybody who speaks around it because they can't remember it or have hard time to pronounce it. I know none of it is meant as an insult to me and none of people who have hard time properly pronouncing my name do it because they hate me and my whole ethnic background.
I have a european name that is difficult to pronounce for americans (even me!), and I adopted the same approach. It's mildly annoying, because my name as pronounced by americans has a lot of connotations I don't necessarily love, but I know who folks mean
coffee shops are impossible though. I have a coffee shop name, because they are even more wildly out of pocket with what they hear my name is than the median conversation
I'm american, but my name is "Aram". This is not a common American name (Its more common in Armenia, and my dad is half Armenian). Im pretty much a European mutt.
People try to figure out who you are by your name.
When I moved from Mass to NY for work and was meeting people I had worked with and talked to on the phone (who speak freely), I got three times "You don't look like an Aram".
I asked someone what they thought Aram looks like, I was told more middle-eastern.
When I do a job search, I wonder if changing my name would make it easier. Being in tech helps though, people are used to odd names.
best thing my immigrant parents ever did was gave me a super-generic sounding anglo first and last name. if anyone asks (they almost never do), i just tell them i was adopted. people discriminate based on name, that's a cold hard fact.
it's a very common first name, and a very short ambiguous and non-descript last name. it connotates absolutely nothing other than i am probably an american that speaks english.
In America it's a pride thing since even if you don't consider yourself whatever ethnicity, everyone else does. If you have an Irish last name people will call you Irish, even if your family has been in the states for 4 generations. So people become attached to that out of pride.
I have a non-western name, and I get no problems. More curiosity and questions, rather than outright discrimination or anything of that sort.
The other advice really is solid: Don't fit the stereotype when you meet new individuals, and they won't treat you like one. First impressions count a lot, so you can't change someone's mind after the fact without a lot of work.
It's common here for restaurants and cafes to ask for your name when ordering, and often I'll make up a more common name for myself to avoid the hassle spelling out and explaining 'Cathal' to the cashier.
Having a unique name does however create an interesting talking point when talking to a new person, and it seamlessly opens up a discussion about my background and origins after introducing myself.
reply