I read it as being optimistic that people can shoulder their burdens and work to improve their lot, without dismissing the fact that people do have outsized burdens compared to others. I mean, he talks about his familial issues with chronic depression and his daughter's horrifying medical problems, I can't think of anything more emblematic of "actual struggles".
"the ambitious side that’s never satisfied with the way that things are and the human side that wants to be content and happy" I found this line very relatable -- as with almost everything in life, balance is key. You would think we would know this by now, but it's usually the first thing to suffer. Anyways, I think it's great these topics are brought to the forefront -- instead of being siloed and almost taboo to talk about openly. We're surprisingly closed minded when it comes to mental health issues...
Not that wrong. The whole passage tells more about how he meant it: that people don't just want ease and hedonism, but they also need struggle and passion and meaning and hurt.
People that have it all too easy more often than not fell in for drugs, depression, etc. And conversely, some of the most "happiest" place on earth, according to their citizens own estimations in polls, are places with tragic poverty and harsh conditions.
Just skimming to two parts in the second to last paragraph, these two sentences, "I am often desperately looking inward to find the strength to go on", and "Accepting a constant stream of low quality things for most of my life, including interactions with other people, only contributed to the way my life has gone and the way I feel now" were really striking to the author's day-to-day. It sounds like he' struggling to doing what he needs to do and they're content with the way this is. We should want more for ourselves and for our relationships to have meaning.
> but really I've internalized the idea that everyone is living a life less than what they hoped their life would be to various extents and that there is also a near infinite combination of ways to achieve this effect such that no one can be dismissed for their misery in any respect without also dismissing the "legitimate" misery of a wide swath of people.
There's a downside to this logic, one of the enabling sort. I consider myself fairly empathetic, but with a very pragmatic tint. I find many, many people take on complaining and a victim/underdog status with an almost hobby-like approach. And I watch how others react, which is exactly as expected: sympathy, attention, allowing those complainers a way out of personal responsibility or true introspection (specifically into their role in managing reactions to external events). It's a never ending cycle. And it hardly ever promotes growth. And almost never results in true happiness (happiness is probably the wrong word...maybe contentedness is better, tho maybe not).
So, the same way you wonder about those people who "dismiss others' concerns," I wonder about those who kowtow to others' words and fail to consider the reality (perceived, of course) behind them. It often feels lazy to me. And short-term thinking. Truly caring about another person sometimes means forsaking short-term "feel goods" for long term growth.
> some element of struggle and overcoming of adversity is necessary for human flourishing
This sounds like "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger" or "no pain no gain".
I know there needs to be work to make things better, and to come up with solutions that will always incur adaptation, but I don't see how it necessarily involves struggle and difficulty.
Difficulty is not the goal, but we should not stop at difficulty if the result is worth it.
> You're simply not going to improve people's perceptions of how well they are doing without addressing psychological factors. Not to get too philosophical, but most of a person's sense of suffering is generated by the narrative the person is telling him/herself.
I spent my formative years in both a poor, poverty-stricken country and a rich first-world country. I couldn't agree with this more.
You'd think that a more affluent society would result in healthier, happier people but it really doesn't ... there are so many psychological factors that come into play.
I understand how it can come out that way, but I didn't read it that way. He's genuinely trying to straddle the fine line between being honest about recognizing where he is and how he's perceived while simultaneously acknowledging his accomplishments. It's not easy to walk that line. I see the author coming from a humbled, almost despairing perspective. That _despite_ his accomplishments, which he lists for emphasis, he's not happy.
> I used to be depressed and wanting to take the easy way out, now that I have two little boys
This is what I don't understand. You were depressed, recognized life as meaningless and without persistence, and yet you felt like it was a good idea to bring someone else into this world?
I'll truly never understand the rational of people who are able to convince themselves of what they want to hear. I gather that you weren't all that depressed to begin with, and your view of the world not very bleak at all, if you felt like bringing other lives into it was a good idea.
That, or selfishness is something you're not averse to.
> The world seems clean-split between people who have everything and people who have it even harder than me, and I always just feel alone in this middle ground, where I have all the material elements to be healthy and happy but I can't put them together.
You're not as alone as you think, because this just resonated like I can't even explain.
This is exactly why you need to put an inordinate focus on the bright side.
>You are supposed to feel empathy for other people and feel bad for their misfortune even if you have the good luck of not going through suffering
Yeah if you live in a tribe of like 30 people maybe. You can't scale that sort of empathy to collectives the size of "all coworkers at $bigco". That's way too much empathising. Way too many people who are going to be down. Particularly in an office. You can't combine "unmasked feelings" and "dreaded place we have to be compensated to go to".
>I just don't understand this obsession of feeling good all the time. If you have never felt sadness, pain, shame, or embarrassment, is it something to brag about?
It's not about feeling good all the time. It's about not throwing your bad feelings at people who also feel bad while 50 other bad feeling people do the same.
> We need to feel we belong. We need to feel valued. We need to feel we’re good at something. We need to feel we have a secure future. And there is growing evidence that our culture isn’t meeting those psychological needs for many – perhaps most...
This (emphasized) is what I think is causing my increasing anxiety and depression. I look around at people, talking loudly, showing off, taking selfies, buying expensive crap they don't need from expensive shops, etc. I try to puzzle out why they're so happy, they all seem so superficial, and I can't understand why they don't feel miserable about the people less fortunate than them who live right next door, the people serving them, who are all struggling to just get by and by all measures increasingly failing. I really want to live in a more equal society that takes care of all citizens.
> My purpose in life is to just get through it, not give up, and try when possible to improve the lives of others, especially children and young adults.
I personally think their is beauty in simplicity, including in this purpose. Though I'd perhaps maybe add something around "finding some joy" beyond "just getting through it", but that is coming from my own values/worldview, not from any
sort of informed wisdom.
> You are quite lucky to live in a time and place where humans are treated well and without the shackling notion of productivity.
You say that, but when you're poor and society talks you down by arguing that you only get what you deserves, it feels like you're cheating and behaving like a stubborn thug.
At the end of the day, I put so much pressure on me, I ended up believing I was mentally ill, and it enabled all sort of self confidence issues and distorted views on society.
> Reality may be socially constructed, but, taken in its totality, it is not the work of any nameable individual and it certainly has little or nothing to do with any one of us.
I still have trouble projecting my lonely self in that big scheme that is human society. This whole civilization seems scary and often too full of things I'm scared of.
> My life is, by every objective measurement, very very good.
I found this statement silly too. He's getting older. His body is slowly deteriorating. His opportunities are dwindling. His best days are probably behind him. That's reason enough for depression by itself.
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