I'd recommend working with a copywriter or some peer review with professionals that have experience writing. As-is, the description is somewhat off-putting, defensive, and at the same time has an elitist tone.
Okay, yes I can see why that could be an issue - I will look into getting a copywriter - do you have any experience/suggestions for that, what is a reasonable price?
That's a fair point, as that is the primary role of a copywriter. However the author is targeting startups who are unlikely to have the budget to hire an editor to fix the copy provided by the copywriter. It should be part of the package, but on the basis of the OP's own sale copy, it isn't.
> If that's what you're doing, I see the value: you're the Drobo to Riverbed's NetApp.
You've got me exactly.
> Your "benefits" section is still too technical, where it isn't, it's too fuzzy.
I agree - I've been struggling a lot with the copy. When I try and make it less technical it ends up being fuzzy. I'm interested in hiring a copywriter if I can get any good recommendations.
Not a copy writer, but wanted to highlight the shortcomings of traditional agencies. Also felt compelled to oversell what we do / who we are since I can't showcase most of my portfolio that's tied to existing agencies.
That style is ideal for advertising copy, but for little else. The author of the original article could have avoided a lot of criticism if he’d called it “Writing Marketing Copy Well” instead of “Writing Well”.
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