I used to drink a bit and this was a common refrain in groups of drinkers, especially heavy drinkers. The reality is a bit more depressing - this justifies drinking that is covering up real problems.

Now I stopped drinking and, after an adjustment period, I have a much better and more satisfying social life. A social life that revolves around doing positive things - fitness, creativity, learning.

One difference I notice is the sense of humour - we laugh, but not at people and we don't exclude people from our groups. And we speak more freely without having to worry that someone will suddenly react badly and start throwing around insults to defend themselves... about grammar, say.

Well, I can only say that drinking is a lot of fun. It probably provided me some of the best times of my life. Now, fun, happiness, pleasure, joy, are really hard to quantify and compare. In retrospective, I am under the strong impression that my life would be less fun, pleasurable and less joyful without it, though I might be just as happy (or maybe a little bit less, but still quite happy).

Some people fall pray to it from addiction, others seek its pleasures too much and end up with collateral health issues or in accidents due to impairment. I never suffered from it, so it was really just all good fun.

So ya, it's fun. That's all.

P.S.: The fun is partly due to the effects, but also a lot of it is due to the social interactions it creates, as well as being able to get into mixology and craft beers, spirits and all that and geek out on it.

You understand the motives just fine. Reality for many people is some combination of boring, stressful, depressing, etc.

So yes, escaping reality is very much preferable to these people. And alcohol and other drugs are very effective at this.

To state the obvious, improving your situation so you don't want to escape reality would be preferable. But that takes a hell of a lot more time, motivation, resources, and effort than just cracking open that next beer.

While I won't argue your other points, I will push back a bit on the comment above. Since you seemed to gather so much from a sentence, let me ask you this, why do you care?

If you are going to go out of your way to make a personal attack when nowhere in my expressing MY THOUGHTS did I make an attack on anyone, then that is your prerogative. You make some wild accusations based on me explaining an experience that is personal to me. While I am not sorry you took what I said in a negative light, it does shed light on how you view yourself as a person and others who don't agree with your line of thinking.I wish you the best in you finding who you are.

(edit) Apparently, some of you don't like my comment. Let me clean it up a bit for those downvoters.

I quit drinking about 6 months ago and I couldn't feel better. I have a lot of fun with my drinking and non-drinking friends.

Funny. I've run into many more social norms that promote drinking while socializing, especially at universities and in tech.

The OP describes a situation where it seems that moderation is being actively discouraged.

I used not to be a drinker (not total teetotaler, but would never drink when out) well into my 30s. Now I do drink.

I much prefer drinking.

I do think that "alcohol culture" means different things to different people in different places and at different ages. To generalize massively, I don't think much of the stereotypical way way 19yos from the UK drink when in Ibiza.

But I do enjoy 4 or 5 cocktails or whiskys in a good bar (which for me isn't one with loud music incidentally) with good company.

That is definitely something to be grateful for. I too, enjoy thinking deeply, and abstain from Alcohol when trying to solve problems.

But thinking can also be torture and sometimes I just want to drown out all the depression and anxiety. Alcohol is good for delaying that. Only problem is it’s a temporary fix, and the agony comes back stronger.

Alcohol is also good for dumbing yourself down to the same intellectual level as a social group.

The reason I’m working towards being a nondrinker is so I can confront my mental issues in a healthy way, and so my kids don’t see me destroy myself as they grow up.

Because having a liminal zone where people feel allowed to step outside the hierarchy and say things that might otherwise be unacceptable (e.g. "this framework we're using is totally fucked") is really important and valuable? It's not about the alcohol per se, but alcohol is a particularly effective way of creating that atmosphere.

That's why I caught the implication of social fun while drinking != bad.

If it isn't the case, then I don't see what's specific about drinking games that makes them necessarily a drinking problem.

In my experience, nightlife is even more fun with certain powdery and pill-y substances than it is with alcohol. Annoyingly they also negate the alcohol (but not the alcohol hangover), so you might as well not drink when you're using those. Waste of money and the hangover is going to be bad enough anyway.

I wouldn't suggest that kind of night out more often than every few months though. Whereas you can safely have an alcohol night out several times a month.

That said, as my workouts became more strenuous, my drinking has declined and almost completely stopped. I still drink alcohol on some occasions, but it affects my performance too much to be done regularly. And I don't have time to deal with the hangovers of other drugs, throwing an entire day away for a few hours of fun is not worth it [anymore].

And never forget: "People say you don't need to drink to have fun ... well you don't need running shoes to run, but it fucken helps".

Last night I watched a video by Mel Robbins on friendship¹ in which she made the very cogent argument that when you mention you don't want to drink you remind others in your social circles of their own struggle to quit drinking, hence the negative feedback. Her solution is to accept that those people are part of an old chapter of your life, and although you don't dislike them in anyway, it's important to recognize that you will slowly develop new friendships with those that match the lifestyle you now choose to live.

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1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXAc6ln6xBs

No, that was the pre-COVID world. You’re on a level playing field now (at least for a few more months anyway).

It's bizarre to me that some people think the opposite of "drinking alcohol" is "being solitary and having no fun". It seems like a lot of people have leaned on alcohol for so long that they've actually become convinced it's the only way.

Maybe, but hosting happy hours after conferences is not a symptom of that. It's a symptom of our various societies having discovered alcohol, and then built up a lot of social norms and customs around it.

It's like saying that our society has a violence problem because people like to gather around a television and watch men hit each other while trying to tug a ball around a field.

While I don't find anything wrong with light entertainment being one's medicine, why make the assumption that drinking is the next viable 'medicine' in line? Are there not countless alternatives to drinking to remedy "boredom, stress, loneliness, etc."? Picking up hobbies? Sports? Anything else?

Edit: I want to clarify I'm not judging those who cope with alcohol - I'm 5 years sober, I've been there, I get it. I just don't know why we should assume OP wants people to become alcoholics.

I can see how people might feel abandoned when social bonds that formed in and around drinking now have to adapt. Keep going though, your body will appreciate it even if your friends don't right now. And if the friendship can't survive you not drinking, it might not be that healthy of a friendship anyway.

Alcohol doesn't make people worse, it just make more evident what they really are.